The Project Gutenberg EBook of Olaf van Geldern, by Pencho Slaveykov (#1 in our series by Pencho Slaveykov, note that #2 is our etext #3433, with a September 2002 release date.)
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Title: Olaf van Geldern
Author: Pencho Slaveykov
Release Date: January, 2004 [EBook #4909] [Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule] [This file was first posted on March 24, 2002]
Edition: 10
Language: Bulgarian
Character set encoding: Windows 1251
This etext was produced by Snezhina Gileva.
ÎËÀÔ ÂÀÍ ÃÅËÄÅÐÍ
Òîé è ñàì íå çíàå êîãà å ðîäåí, íî êàòî ãî çàïèòàò, êàçâà, ÷å ñåãà å íà 36 ãîäèíè. Ðîäíîòî ìó ãðàä÷å, Ãðàñäîðô, å ñêúòàíî â åäíà ãúíêà îò ðîñíèòå ïîëè íà Õàðö, îíàÿ âåëè÷åñòâåíà ïëàíèíà, êîÿòî ëåæè êàòî ìèëà ñÿíêà íà äóøàòà ìó è êîÿòî íåìó å ïî ñúðöå äà âúçïÿâà â ñâîèòå ïåñíè. Öÿë ðåä ãîäèíè ãî ïîçíàâàì àç, êàêòî ïîçíàâàì ñåáå ñè, è ìàêàð ïîìåæäó íè ÷åñòî äà å ìèíàâàëà ÷åðíà êîòêà - íèé ñìå ñè è äî äåí äíåøåí èíòèìíè è äîáðè ïðèÿòåëè. È òîâà, êîåòî àç çíàÿ è ùå êàæà çà íåãî, òîé ñàì ùå ãî ïîäïèøå.
Îëàô å èçäúíêà íà âèäíà ôàìèëèÿ è äðàãî ìó å, äåòî å òúé, áåç äà ïðàâè îò òîâà êàêúâòî è äà å êàïèòàë. Êàêòî çà ñåáå ñè, òúé è çà ôàìèëèÿòà, ñ ÷èåòî èìå ñå êèòè, òîé íå îáè÷à ìàé äà ãîâîðè. Òâúðäå ðÿäêî ñå îòïóùà äà ñïîìåíå ñàìî íåùî çà áàùà ñè - ìåæäó äðóãîòî, è êàê òîé ÷åñòî å íàòÿêâàë, ÷å ïèøå íåñêîïîñíè ñòèõîâå, ìîæå áè ñ îìèñúë òàêà äà ãî ïîäñåòè äà ñè ó÷è óðîöèòå. Íåãîâèòå óøè ñà ìàé äëúæêè è òîé îáÿñíÿâà òîâà íå êàòî çíàê íà îñîáíî áëàãîâîëåíèå íà ïðèðîäàòà, à êàòî ñâèäåòåëñòâî çà îñîáíîòî âíèìàíèå íà ó÷èòåëèòå ìó êúì òÿõ: òå ñà ãè äúðïàëè áåçìèëîñòíî â íàäåæäà äà èçìúêíàò ïðåç òÿõ óïîðèòèÿ ìó ìúðçåë. Òîâà å åäèíñòâåíàòà íåãîâà ïå÷àëà îò ó÷èëèùåòî.
Åäíè÷êî, ùî ìó ñå å óäàëî îùå ïðåç äåòèíñòâî, äà èçó÷è êàêòî òðÿáà, òî å îòå÷åñòâåíàòà ãåîãðàôèÿ. È òî ïî òâúðäå ïðîñò íà÷èí. Áàùà ìó, êàòî ó÷èòåë, æóðíàëèñò è íàðîäåí òðèáóí, å áèë ïðèíóæäàâàí (ïîðàäè îïúðíè÷àâîñòòà ñè è èçêëþ÷èòåëíèòå îáñòîÿòåëñòâà íà îíîâà âðåìå) äà ñêèòà îò ãðàä íà ãðàä, êúäåòî è æåíà è äåöà ñà âúðâåëè ïîäèðå ìó. Ïî òîÿ íà÷èí áúäàùèÿ ïîåò ñå å çàïîçíàâàë ïðÿêî ñ âñè÷êè áàèðèùà, ïðè êîèòî òèÿ ãðàäîâå ñà íàñòàíåíè, ãàçèë è êúïàë ñå å ïî öåëè äíè â ñóìà ðåêè, à ãîðñêèòå øóáðàöè, ñêàëè è ïåùåðè ñà ìó äîøåïâàëè äèâíèòå ïðèêàçêè, ñ êîèòî äîìàøíèòå ðàòàéêèíè ñà äðàçíèëè âñÿêà âå÷åð òðåïåòíîòî ìó âúîáðàæåíèå. Âñå îò îíèÿ äíè å è èíòèìíîòî ìó ïîçíàíñòâî ñ ðîäíîòî ñëúíöå; è ìàêàð ÷å òîé ñåãà ñå ñïîãàæäà ïî-äîáðå ñ íîùòà, öàëóâêèòå íà íåãîâà ïðúâ èíòèìåí ïîçíàéíèê è äî äíåñ îùå ëè÷àò íà ëèöåòî ìó - ÷åðíî, êàòî ëèöå íà íÿêîé ôàðàîíîâ ïîòîìúê. Àç âÿðâàì, ÷å íà ñòàðèÿ âàí Ãåëäåðí ùå å áèëî äðàãî äà ãëåäà òàêúâ ïàêîñòíèê, êàêúâòî å áèë Îëàô, è ïî íåãî äà ñè ñïîìíÿ ñâîå!
òî äåòèíñòâî.
Ñòàðèÿ íåîáåçâåòâåí îò áóðèòå äúá ùå å óñåùàë ìîæå áè, ÷å èçíèêíàëèÿ îò ñåìåòî ìó ìëàäîê íÿìà äà ãî ïîñðàìè ñ èçðàñòà ñè; äîðè ïðè ñãîäåí ñëó÷àé òîé ñàì å òëàñêàë è ÿâíî è ïîêðèòî òîÿ ìó èçðàñò. Òàêà, êîãàòî çà ðîäíèÿ êðàé íà íàøèÿ ïîåò íàñòàíàõà óñèëíè äíè (1881 ãîä.) è áàùà ìó áèäå ãðàáíàò åäíà íîù îò ïîëèöåéñêèòå âúëöè - áäèòåëè íà îáùåñòâåíèÿ ðåä - è îòâåäåí íà çàòî÷åíèå, íà Îëàôà ñå ïàäíà äà ÷óå ñâåòè áàùèíè äóìè: "Êîãà îòðàñíåø, áúäè êàòî áàùà ñè; íå ñå áîé îò âúëöè!" Íî êðóøàòà áåøå ïàäíàëà è òúé ïîä êðóøàòà. Òÿ - êîãàòî è íåé äîéäå âðåìå - ïîêàçà êîëêî å îïúðíè÷àâà: - èíàê íå áè ïðåñåäíàëà íà òîëêîâà ãúðëà! Êàòî áàùà ñè, òîé ÷åñòî îáè÷à äà ìèñëè íå êàòî äðóãèòå, è íå ñàìî äà ìèñëè, à è ãîâîðè, ùî ìó å íà ñúðöå. Çà íåïðèÿòíîñòèòå îò òîâà ìàëêî ãî å åíÿ: ìîæå áè çàùîòî ïðåäïî÷èòà ïðèÿòíîñòòà - äà ðåæå ñ íîæúò, èçîñòðåí íà áàùèíî òî÷èëî, è òàêà äà íå ïðå÷è, à äà äàâà ñâîáîäåí ðàçìàõ íà ñâîÿ íàòþðåë. ×åñòîëþáèâ, òîé íå ùå è äà çíàé, ÷å îíèÿ, íà ÷èéòî ãúðëà ïðåñÿäà, ùå ãî!
ñìåòíàò çà ñàìèëþáåö. Íå å ÷óäíî è äà å òàêúâ, ïîíåæå å òâîðåö, è êàêòî âñè÷êèòå íåãîâè äîáðè êîëåãè ãàëè â äóøàòà ñè çâÿðúò íà îòâðàùåíèåòî êúì ñâåòèòå ÷óâñòâà íà ôèëèñòðèòå, êúì ñêðèæàëíèòå çàïîâåäè íà ÷è÷î Ñíîáà. Áàùèíî íàñëåäñòâî å ó íåãî îáè÷òà ìó êúì âñè÷êî äîñòîéíî çà îáè÷; à ïðè äðóãî åäíî íàñëåäñòâî - ñâåòàòà çëîáà - íàøèÿò ïîåò ñå å ïîñòàðàë äà ïîïðèòóðè è îò ñåáå ñè íåùè÷êî. Òîâà, ùî èçïîâÿäâàò îáèêíîâåíî õåðîèòå íà ñëîâîòî, å è íåãîâà èçïîâåä: ãíåâúò å ìåðèëî íà ìîÿòà ëþáîâ! È ãîðä å òîé íå íà øåãà, íî ñ øåãè ìèñëè, ÷å äîáðå ïðèêðèâà ãîðäîñòòà ñè ïðåä íèùèòå äóõîì - íåêàäúðíèöèòå äà ïðîóìåÿò â òîâà òðàãèçìà íà òàÿ ãîðäîñò. À íåãîâèé ñìÿõ è ïðèñìåõ íàä ñåáå ñè å òàêúâ äîáúð êîìåíòàð, êàêúâòî íå ñà äîðè ñàìîòíîñòòà è òúìåÿùàòà ïîíÿêîãà â ïîãëåäà ìó ìåëàíõîëèÿ!
Ñ òèÿ âðîäåíè êà÷åñòâà è êàïðèçíî ðàçâèòè èíñòèíêòè Îëàô âàí Ãåëäåðí âëà÷è ñâîÿòà ñâåòîâíà ñúäáà è åäâà ëè ìîæå ñå êàçà, ÷å íå å äîâîëåí îò íåÿ. Âèäè ñå, ñðåä íåïðèâåòíàòà äåéñòâèòåëíîñò è áåçñúííè íîùè, ïúëíè ñ áåçïîêîéíè ìå÷òè è êîøìàðíè ïðèâèäåíèÿ, íåãî ùå ñïîõîæäàò íåðÿäêî è õóáàâè ñúíèùà. À íèìà ñúíèùàòà íå ñà è òå èçâîð íà ùàñòèå? Íàé-õóáàâèÿò íåãîâ ñúí å - ñúíÿ çà æèâîòà ìó ñëåä ñìúðòòà. È îðèñèÿòà íà äîñåãàøííèÿ ìó æèâîò êàòî ÷å ëè íÿêàê ïîäêðåïÿ íåãîâàòà âÿðà, ÷å òîâà íå ùå å ñàìî ñúí. Ìîæå òÿ äà å íàèâíà - äîðè òâúðäå íàèâíà, - íåùî êàòî âÿðàòà íà Èáñåíîâèÿ Õåëìåð, êîéòî ñå çàëúãâà ñ áëÿí, ÷å å ïðèçâàí äà èçâúðøè âåëèêî íåùî íà áîæèÿ ñâÿò. È êîëêî ïðàâ å åäèí äðóã õåðîé îò ñúùàòà Èáñåíîâà äðàìà - Äèâàòà ïàòèöà - ñ ãîð÷èâî èñòèííèòå äóìè: îñòàâåòå ÷îâåêó ñâåòîâíàòà èçìàìà! Çà äà ãî óäúðæè â æèâîòà, êîéò íå ìó å ñúùèíñêà ìàéêà. Òîÿ æèâîò íå âñÿêîãà å ïîäíàñÿë âêóñíè áëþäà íà òðàïåçàòà ìó, êàêòî ñå âèæäà îò ñëåäíèòå íÿêîëêî: - Êàòî å ïðåñêà÷àë âåäíúæ ïëåò (íå ñëåä, à !
ïðåäè äâàéñåò-ãîäèøíàòà ñè âúçðàñò, òîåñò íå çà êîáèëèöà ãî å ïðåñêà÷àë), ñ÷óïèë å íà äâå ñâèðêàòà íà äåñíèÿ ñè êðàê; òðåñëà ãî å òðèãîäèøíà òðåñêà; òðè ïúòè ñà ãî âëà÷èëè êîíå è ïî åäèí ïúò å ïàäàë îò è ïîä ôàéòîí; äåñåòèíà ïúòè ñà ãî äàâèëè ïñåòà; âåäíúæ ñå å äàâèë; è îùå âåäíúæ áåç ìàëêî å ùÿë äà ñå îæåíè; âåäíúæ å èçìúêíàò èçïîä âàãîíèòå íà èçùúïíàò îò ðåëñèòå òðåí; âåäíúæ ñà ãî ãîíèëè è ïóøêàëè ïîäèðå ìó êúðâîæàäíèòå ïðóñàöè (1887)... È ãîðåí, è áåñåí, è çàðàâÿí å æèâ âúâ çåìÿòà. Ïðèëè÷à íà ëåãåíäà, íàëè? Âñå ïàê òÿ å äåéñòâèòåëíà, êàêòî è îíàÿ íà áàùà ìó, ñòàðèÿ âàí Ãåëäåðí, êîãîòî ãîñïîä å îáè÷àë, òà ãî å îðèñàë ñ ëåãåíäà.
Íà ðàçâèòèåòî íà íåãîâà òàëàíò, îñâåí ãîñïîä ñ ëåãåíäàòà ñè, âëèÿëè ñà ñêèòàíèÿòà ìó äîìà è ïî ÷óæáèíà. Äîêîëêîòî ìîãà äà ñúäÿ àç, ãëàâíèòå ñòàíöèè íà íåãîâîòî õóäîæåñòâåíî ðàçâèòèå ñà ñòàíöèèòå íà ñêèòàíèÿòà ìó: Âèåíà, Ïàðèæ è Ëàéïöèã. Îñîáåíî ïîñëåäíÿòà, äåòî òîé ñè å ïî÷èâàë äúëãè ãîäèíè ïðè èçâúíðåäíî äîáðè ñòîïàíè, ãîñòèííè÷àðè è êíèæàðè, íà êîèòî îùå íå å èçïëàòèë áîð÷îâåòå ñè. Íÿêîëêî ïúòè ñå å ðúêóâàë ñ Þíãôðàó, îíàÿ äèâíà êðàñàâèöà, êîÿòî è íåìó, êàêòî è íà âåëèêèÿ ðóñêè ðîìàíèñò, å ïðèøåïâàëà ñâåòîâíè òàéíè. Õîäèë å äîðè â áåëîêàìåííàòà Ìîñêâà - äà ñå ÿâè â ïîëèöèÿòà: íåâåðîÿòíà ïðè÷èíà çà ïúòåøåñòâèå, íî êîëêîòî ïî-íåâåðîÿòíà, òîëêîâà ïî-èñòèíñêà. Çà íåìñêèòå ãîñòèííè÷àðè òîé è äîñåãà ñè ñïîìíÿ ñ îñîáåíà ñèìïàòèÿ. Íàé-âå÷å çà òðèìà îò òÿõ: åäèí åëèíèí, åäèí þäåé è åäèí øâàáà. Ñ âòîðèÿ îò òÿõ ïîåòúò ñå å ïîçíàâàë çàî÷íî è îò ïî-íàïðåä, íà êîåòî îáñòîÿòåëñòâî ñå äúëæè, âèäè ñå, îòïîñëåøíàòà èì èíòèìíîñò: - è îáè÷òà ñè êúì íåìöèòå òîé äúëæè èçêëþ÷èòåëíî íåìó, íà áëåä!
íèÿ Õàéíðèõ, êîãîòî íåìöèòå òúé ìðàçÿò, à áåç ÷èéòî ïåñíè ïîåçèÿòà èì áè áèëà òúé ñêó÷íà! Çà ñâîåòî óìñòâåíî ðàçâèòèå, çà óÿñíåíèåòî íà ñâîÿòà çàäà÷à êàòî ïèñàòåë òîé äúëæè ïðåìíîãî íà òåçè ãîòîâè âñÿêîìó çà óñëóãà ãîñïîäà, îñîáåíî íà øâàáàòà; íî íåãîâèòå ïîåòè÷åñêè ÷óâñòâà è èíòåðåñè ñà çàêúðìåíè íàé-íàïðåä îò ðóñêèòå õóäîæíèöè íà ñëîâîòî, êîèòî òúé ïîáåäîíîñíî øåñòâóâàò ñåãà ïî Åâðîïà. Îíîâà, êîåòî âàí Ãåëäåðí èçïúðâîì èíñòèêòèâíî å âúçïðèåìàë îò òÿõ - äèðåíåòî íà ÷åëîâåêà è â çâÿðà, - âå÷å êàòî âúçìîãíàò ïåâåö, òîé ñàì ñúçíàòåëíî òóðÿ çà îñíîâà íà ñâîèòå òâîðåíèÿ.  òîâà å êîðåíúò íà íåãîâà èäåàëèçúì: íå íà óìúò, à íà ñúðöåòî ðîæáà. Çàä íåãî å ñïîòàåíà è ïðè÷èíàòà íà ïðåíåáðåæåíèåòî ìó êúì ñúâðåìåííè è ïî-îòäàâíàøíè åâðîïåéñêè õåðîè íà ïåðîòî, êîèòî äèðÿò è öåíÿò ñàìî çâÿðà â ÷åëîâåêà. Íî åäâà ëè òèÿ îáè÷íè íåìó ðóñêè ÷àðîäåéöè áèõà ìó âúçäåéñòâàëè òúé, àêî íåãîâàòà äóøà íå áè áèëà ñãîäíà ïî÷âà çà òàêèâà âúçäåéñòâèÿ, àêî áàùà ìó - ñàì òåõåí âúçïèòàíèê - íå áå ìó îñòàâèë í!
àñëåäñòâåíî ðàçïîëîæåíèå çà âúçïðèåìàíå ÷óâñòâà íà ÷îâåùèíà ê!
úì ÷îâåêà
... Íåãîâèòå ïúðâè îïèòè íà ïåðîòî ñà áèëè ïðåâîäè îò ðóñêèòå ïîåòè. È äîñåãà íÿêîëêî îò òÿõ ñà ñïàçåíè, íî íå ñå ñúìíÿâàì, ÷å è òÿõ ùå ñïîëåòè ó÷àñòòà íà ïúëíèÿ ïðåâîä íà Òóðãåíåâèòå Çàïèñêè íà ëîâåöà; çàùîòî âñÿêà ãîäèíà íå ìàëêî è âåòè è íîâè ðàáîòè òîé ïðèíàñÿ æúðòâà íà êðèòè÷åñêèòå ñè ïðåñúäè è êðèòè÷íèòå ñè íàñòðîåíèÿ. - Òîé íå ïëà÷å íàä è çà òÿõ, êàêòî Àõèëåñ ïðåä òðóïúò íà ãîðÿùèÿ ñè ïîáðàòèì, à ñàìî ñòèñêà çúáè è â óìúò ìó òàíöóâàò ãëóïîñòè, êîèòî îáà÷å òâúðäå ñêîðî èç÷åçâàò, êàêòî è ïðèíåñåíèòå æúðòâà.
Îëàô âàí Ãåëäåðí îòäàâíà ñå å ïðèáðàë îò ñêèòàíèÿòà ñè ïî ÷óæáèíà, ãðåé íà äîìàøíàòà êàìèíà íîçåòå ñè - â êîèòî ðåâìàòèçìà ñå÷å ñú÷êè - è ñå ñòàðàå äà æèâåé â ìèð è ëþáîâ ñúñ ñâîÿòà âÿðíà ñúïðóãà - íåâîëÿòà, äîáðà ïðèÿòåëêà íà ìóçàòà ìó. Äâåòå ïðèÿòåëêè ÷åñòî ñå ñïîõîæäàò, è ïîåòà ïîäñëóøâà èíòèìíèÿò èì ðàçãîâîð, è íå ñàìî ãî ïîäñëóøâà, íî ãî çåìà çà êàíâà íà òâîðåíèÿòà ñè, âúðõó êîÿòî âúîáðàæåíèåòî ìó øèå óçîðè ñ êîïðèíåíè íèøêè. "Îò âñè÷êè äîñåãàøíè íåãîâè òâîðåíèÿ âåé íåïðèâåòíèÿ äúõ íà íåðàäîñòíà êîíöåïöèÿ íà æèâîòà, ðåçóëòàò íà ñîáñòâåíàòà ìó íåðàäîñòíà ñúäáà" - òúé êàçâà åäèí íåãîâ êðèòèê. È òîé ìîæå áè å ïðàâ. Ìîæå áè - ìàêàð ÷å ñàì ïîåòà å íà äðóãî ìíåíèå: Åòî êàêâî áåëåæè òîé â åäèí îò ïúòíèøêèòå ñè î÷åðêè, êîåòî ïðèëè÷à äà å ëè÷íà èçïîâåä: "Ïèñàòåë, êîéòî óâàæàâà ñåáå ñè è ñâîåòî äåëî, íåêà íå ïðåñòúïâà ïðàãúò íà íèêîÿ øêîëà, íà íèêîå òåêå, â êîåòî ñ ìîëèòâåíèöè â ðúêà ñà äîøëè äà ñòðóâàò ìåòàíè äîñòîéíèòå çà ñúæàëåíèå. Áúäåòå åëèíè ( íå âèçàíòèéöè) íà ìîäåðíèÿ ñâÿ!
ò, áåç íèêàêúâ êàòåõèçèñ çà èçêóñòâîòî è íåãîâèòå öåëè. Ëè÷íîòî âè âäúõíîâåíèå äà å ïîäáóäà çà òâîð÷åñòâî, äåéñòâèòåëíîñòòà åäèíñòâåí ïðåäìåò íà íàáëþäåíèÿ è âúçñúçäàâàíå. Òàêà, è ñàìî òàêà, âúçíèêâàò òâîðåíèÿ, â êîèòî ðåàëèçìúò âúðâè ðúêà çà ðúêà ñ âèñøèòå ñòðåìëåíèÿ íà èäåàëíèÿ äóõ, êàêòî òå âúðâÿò è â æèâîòà. Ïðèìåðà íà ðóñèòå å ïðèìåð è çà íàñ. ×å è íèå êàòî òÿõ èìàìå âåëèêîòî ïðåèìóùåñòâî ïðåä äðóãèòå åâðîïåéñêè íàðîäè: íàñòîÿùåòî íè íå å îáâúðçàíî ñ ìèíàëîòî - è íèé êàòî òÿõ íÿìà çàùî äà àíãàæèðàìå çà â áúäàùå äóõúò ñè ñ ïàòîëîãè÷íè èçìèñëèöè íà ðàçíè äåêàäåíòè íà êóëòóðàòà... Ó÷åòå ñå îò ñëúíöåòî - äà îãðÿâàòå âñè÷êî, ñòàðàéòå ñå äà ïðîíèêâàò âðåä æèâîòâîðíèòå âè ëó÷è. Óòåøàâàéòå ñ áåçóòåøíîòî, - äåòî íÿìà óòåõà ñ äðóãî... Áîæåñòâåíèé ó÷èòåëþ, òè òâîðåöî íà Æèâè ìîùè, ÷èéòî áëàãîðîäåí îáðàç å îáðàçà íà ìîÿ ñïàñèòåë! Íèìà óæàñíàòà ñúäáà íà îíçè ïîëóòðóï, êîãîòî òè ñè âúçñúçäàë ñ òàêàâà îìàÿ, íå å îòêðîâåíèå çà ìåí? Êàêâà ñèìïàòèÿ êúì ÷îâåêà ëúõòè îò ðàçêàçà òè çà òåãëî!
òî íà îíàÿ íåâîëíèöà, êîÿòî äúëãè ãîäèíè íå ñå å äèãàëà îò ñâ!
îÿ îäúð-ã
ðîá! À âñå ïàê íåÿ, è â òîâà é ñúñòîÿíèå, îáçåìàò òèõè âúçòîðçè è ïðåä íàé-äðåáíèòå ïðîÿâëåíèÿ íà æèâîòà: ïðåä äúõúò íà ïîëñêèòå öâåòÿ, ïðåä ÷óðîëèêúò íà ëÿñòîâè÷êèòå. Ïîåçèÿòà íà óåäèíåíèåòî - òè ÿ ðàçêðè íà äóøàòà ìè, ïîðúñè ìå ñ æèâàòà âîäà íà âÿðà, ÷å ùå ñå ñúáóäè çà æèâîò îíçè, íà êîãîòî è ÷óæäè, è ñâîè ãëåäàõà êàòî íà ìúðòâåö. Ñâåòëèíàòà, êîÿòî òè ïðúñêàø íàä ÷óæäàòà íåâîëÿ, îñâåòëè ìîÿòà - è ïðîãîíè ïîìðà÷åíèåòî îò åãîèñòè÷íèòå ÷óâñòâà, ùî çàòúìíÿâàõà ïîãëåäà ìè..." Íà îíçè, êîéòî ñå èçïîâÿäâà ñ òàêèâà äóìè, èìàò ëè îñíîâà äà ìó íàòðàïâàò "íåðàäîñòíè êîíöåïöèè íà æèâîòà" À òîâà íàòðàïâàíå ãî îïðîâåðãàâàò è ñàìèòå ìó òâîðåíèÿ, ñúäáàòà íà ÷èéòî õåðîè, ìàêàð ÷åñòî è íåðàäîñòíà, å âúçñúçäàäåíà òúé ÷å â íàøåòî âïå÷àòëåíèå íå îñòàâà íè ñÿíêà íà óæàñ è ãíåòèòåëíî ÷óâñòâî. Äóøåâíèÿ êðèçèñ ó âàí Ãåëäåðíà, ðàçâåäðåí ïîä âëèÿíèåòî íà Æèâè ìîùè îò Òóðãåíåâà, ñå èçîñòðÿ è ïðå÷óïÿ ñ Êîðîëåíêîâà Ñëåïåö ìóçèêàíò, îíÿ çëî÷åñòíèê, êîãîòî ÷óæäàòà íåâîëÿ âúçðàæäà çà æèâîò, ïîñâåòåí íà ñú!
áóæäàíå äîáðè ÷óâñòâà â ÷îâåøêîòî ñúðöå. Íî ìîåòî íàìåðåíèå òóê íå å äà ðàçïðàâÿì çà òîâà, à ñàìî äà îòáåëåæà íåâåðíîñòòà íà åäèí âúçãëåä çà ìèðîãëåäà (Lebensauffassung) íà ïîåòà. Íàèñòèíà òîé ðàçêàçâà íàé-âå÷å íåðàäîñòíè ñúáèòèÿ èç æèâîòà íà ðàçíè íåâîëíèöè, íî íå êúì òÿõíàòà âúíøíà ñúäáà å âçðÿí ïîãëåäà ìó, à êúì îíçè ìèð íà ÷óâñòâà, íàñòðîåíèÿ è äóøåâíè êðèçèñè, îò êîèòî íå ëúõòè òúìíèÿ äúõ íà îòðèöàíèå, ïåñèìèçúì. Òîâà, êàêòî è áîëåçíåíèÿ àíàëèç íà "ùî ñòàâà â äóøèòå" íà õåðîèòå ìó, íàé-ÿñíî ïîêàçâàò ãðàìàäíîòî âëèÿíèå íà ðóñêèòå ïèñàòåëè âúðõó íàøèÿ ïîåò.
Òàêúâ å ÷îâåêúò, êîéòî îò äâàäåñåòèíà ãîäèíè íàñàì å ïðèñòàâåí ðàòàé ó Ãþðãà Ñàìîâèëà ("íàé-ïðåäíÿ äåâîéêà"), ïîäîáíî íà îíîâà ñåëÿí÷å, çà êîåòî íàðîäíàòà ïðèêàçêà ðàçïðàâÿ, ÷å ñå öåíèëî äà ñëóæè ó äÿäî ïîïà - òðè ãîäèíè çà òðè ïàðè.  íåãîâà ðîäåí êðàé, êàêòî è ó íàñ, òðóäúò íà õóäîæíèêà òîëêîâà ÷èíè; è ìíîçèíà õåðîè íà ïåðîòî, ñëåä êàòî ñà îïèòàëè ñèëà íà òîÿ ìåãäàí, çà äà ñè îñèãóðàò êîëêî-ãîäå ÷îâåøêè æèâîò, çàïèñâàëè ñà ñå â åñíàôà íà õàìàëèòå. Ñâîáîäà è ñàìîñòîÿòåëíîñò - ïîêðîâèòåëèòå íà ãåíèÿ - íå ñà ïîçíàéíèöè ñ íàøèÿ ïîåò, è òîâà å åäíà îò âåëèêèòå íåãîâè ñêúðáè - îòðîâà, êîÿòî å óáèâàëà, îùå â çàðîäèø ñóìà íåãîâè ðîæáè. Çà äà íå ïîäñìúð÷à çà êúøåé õëÿá, òîé ÷èíîâíè÷åñòâóâà, ò.å. ïðàõîñâà âðåìåòî ñè ñ "ðàáîòà", êîÿòî âñÿêîé èäèîò ñòî ïúòè ïî-äîáðå îò íåãî áè âúðøèë. È òåìïåðàòóðàòà íà íåãîâîòî òâîð÷åñòâî â ïîñëåäíî âðåìå å ïàäíàëà ïîä íóëà. Ïðîèçâåäåíèÿòà ìó, îòêàê è òîé å íàðåä ñ õîðàòà - íå ñà ìàé çà ïðåä õîðà; òå ñà ñëó÷àéíà ðàáîòà, äðàñêîòåíå ôåéëåòîíè ïî âåñòíè!
öè, ïðåâîäè è àâòîáèîãðàôè÷åñêè áåëåæêè, ñ êîèòî Îëàô âàí Ãåëäåðí ñå ìú÷è äà çàãëàâèêà ñåáå ñè è äà ñå ïîäèãðàé ñ íàèâíèòå ÷èòàòåëè.
À áèëî å âðåìå, êîãàòî ñàì òîé è íåãîâèòå êðèòèöè ñà ñúçèðàëè íåùî â òâîðåíèÿòà ìó, â îíçè ðîé ñèòíè ïåñíè, áàëàäè, ìîíîëîçè è ïîåìè, êîèòî áëåùóêàò êàòî õóáàâà îãúðëèöà, èçòúðâàíà ñëó÷àéíî íà íÿêîå áóíèùå, êàêâîòî å íàïð. áúëãàðñêàòà ëèòåðàòóðà. Îò òèÿ ñè òâîðåíèÿ ñàì ïîåòà å äîâîëåí - è íåäîâîëåí. Äîêîëêîòî ìîãà äà äîñåòÿ, íåäîâîëñòâîòî ìó íå å òîëêîâà îò òÿõ, êîëêîòî îò ìèñúëòà, ÷å ñ òÿõ òîé íå å äàë âñè÷êî, ùî ìîæå äà äàäå; à äà ñúçäàäå äðóãèòå, êîèòî ìó ðàçïúâàò äóøàòà, íÿìà íåîáõîäèìàòà çà òîâà âúíøíà îõîëíîñò. È äà íå å ñúâñåì òúé, âñå ïàê â öÿëàòà äîãàäêà ïîëîâèíàòà å íåñúìíåíî èñòèíà.
Êîëåäà 1902 ã.
P.S. Êîãàòî ïðåãëåæäàõ ïúðâàòà êîðåêòóðà íà òàÿ áåëåæêà çà Îëàô âàí Ãåëäåðíà, ïîëó÷èõ âåñò, ÷å òîé ïî÷èíàë ñêîðîïîñòèæíî. Âå÷å áåøå êúñíî äà ïðîìåíÿì òîâà, ùî áÿõ íàïèñàë, ìàêàð ÷å ñìúðòòà äàâà ñâîáîäà íà ïåðîòî ìè, è àç áèõ ìîãúë îùå ìíîãî íåùà äà êàæà, à êàçàíèòå ñ íåäîìëúâêè äà èçòúêíà ïî-ÿñíî. Ñåãà òîé ïðåìèíàâà â äðóãàòà ôàçà íà ñâîÿ æèâîò, çà êîÿòî ïðèæèâå áÿõà õóáàâèòå ìó ñúíèùà. Íà åäèí ñâîé ñúáðàò, æèâ è â ñìúðòòà, êîãîòî íàøèÿ ïîåò å âúçïÿë, òîé âëàãà â óñòàòà ñëåäíèòå äóìè - íåñúìíåíî åõî íà ñîáñòâåíè èíòèìíè ÷óâñòâà:
"×åñòèò å òîç èçáðàííèê, ÷èéòî äóõ,
êàòî êîâ÷åãà Íîåâ, ïðåíåñå
îò ïðåæíèé ñâÿò â ïîñëåøíèé îíîâà,
êîåòî å â ïðîìåíè íåïðîìåííî.
Òîé ïîäèð ñìúðò îò ñåáå ñè îñòàâÿ
íàé-÷èñòîòî, íàé-õóáàâîòî - æèöà
îò öàðñòâîòî íà ñåíêèòå áåçïëúòíè,
êîÿòî ùå ãî ñâúðçâà ñ òîÿ ìèð."
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