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Title: The Book of Good Manners
Author: W. C. Green
Release Date: March, 2004 [EBook #5255] [Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule] [This file was first posted on June 14, 2002]
Edition: 10
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THE BOOK OF GOOD MANNERS
A GUIDE TO POLITE USAGE
FOR ALL SOCIAL FUNCTIONS
W. C. GREEN
THE BOOK OF GOOD MANNERS is a complete and authentic authority on every single phase of social usage as practiced in America. The author has compiled the matter in dictionary form in order to give the reader the desired information as briefly and clearly as possible, and with the least possible effort in searching through the pages.
ACCEPTING OR DECLINING INVITATIONS. See INVITATIONS,
ACCEPTING OR DECLINING.
ACCIDENTS. See STREET ETIQUETTE--MEN--ACCIDENTS.
ADDRESS. The address of a person may be stamped
on the stationery.
If the address is stamped, it is not customary
to stamp also the crest or monogram.
ADDRESSING ENVELOPES.
MEN. A man should be addressed as Mr. James
J, Wilson, or James J. Wilson, Esq. Either
the Mr. or the Esq. may be used, but not
the two together.
The title belonging to a man should be
given. It is not customary to use Mr. or
Esq. when Jr. or Sr. is used.
WOMEN. A woman's name should always have
the Miss or Mrs.
A woman should never be given her husband's
official title, as Mrs. Judge Wilson.
If a woman has a title of her own, she
should be addressed as Dr. Minnie Wilson,
when the letter is a professional one. If
a social letter, this should be Miss Minnie
Wilson, or Mrs. Minnie Wilson.
ADDRESSING PERSONS. Young girls should be spoken
of as Minnie Wilson, and not as Miss Minnie,
but are personally addressed as Miss Minnie.
Only the greatest intimacy warrants a man
in addressing a young girl as Minnie.
Parents should introduce their daughter
as My daughter Minnie, but should speak
of them before servants as Miss Minnie.
A married woman should be spoken of as
Mrs. Agnes Wilson, and personally addressed
as Mrs. Wilson.
ADDRESSING AND SIGNING LETTERS. All answers to
invitations should be addressed to the party
issuing them.
Letters to a woman who is a comparative
stranger may begin My dear Mrs. Wilson,
and to a closer acquaintance Dear Mrs.
Wilson.
Letters to a man who is a comparative
stranger may begin My dear Mr. Wilson,
and to a closer acquaintance Dear Mr.
Wilson.
For forms of addressing persons with titles,
as Mayor, see under that title--as, Mayor,
Governor.
The letters may end, Sincerely yours, or
Very truly yours, or I remain yours with
kindest regards.
The signature of a man should be John J.
Wilson or J. Jones Wilson.
An unmarried woman should sign social
letters as Minnie Wilson, and a business letter
as Miss Minnie Wilson. A married woman
should sign a social letter as Agnes Wilson.
In signing a business letter, a married woman
may either sign her name Mrs. Agnes Wilson,
or, preferably,
Agnes Wilson
(Mrs. John Wilson)
AFTERNOON CALLS. These should be made between
three and half-past five, and if possible on
regular at home days.
In making an afternoon call a man should
wear the regulation afternoon dress.
DRESS--MEN. Afternoon dress consists of a
double-breasted frock coat of dark material,
and waistcoat, either single or double-
breasted, of same, or of some fancy material
of late design. The trousers should be of
light color, avoiding of course extremes in
patterns.
White or delicate color linen shirts should
be worn, patent leather shoes, silk hat and
undressed kid gloves of dark color.
Afternoon dress is worn at weddings, afternoon
teas, receptions, garden parties, luncheons,
church funerals, and at all afternoon
functions.
See also EVENING DRESS--MEN. MORNING
DRESS--MEN.
AFTERNOON RECEPTIONS. See AFTERNOON TEAS. GIVEN BY BACHELORS, See BACHELORS' TEAS.
AFTERNOON TEAS (FORMAL). These are very successful
as a rule, due perhaps to their small expense
and few exactions, and are given with
many purposes: to introduce young women
into society, to allow a hostess to entertain a
number of her friends, to honor some woman
of note, etc.
A formal afternoon tea is one for which
cards have been issued, naming set date.
Awnings and carpet should be provided
from curb to house. A man should be stationed
at the curb to open carriage doors and
call them when the guests leave, and another
African Teas man should be in attendance at the
front door to open it the moment a guest appears
at the top step and to direct him to the dressing-room.
A policeman should be detailed for the occasion
to keep back the onlookers, and should
receive a small fee for his services.
At the door of the drawing-room a man
should ask the name of each guest, which he
announces as the latter enters. The hostess
and those receiving with her should be just
within the door to receive the guests.
CARDS. Each guest should leave a card in the
tray in the hall.
A woman may leave the cards of the men
of her family who have been unable to attend.
Cards should be sent by mail or messenger
by those invited but unable to be present, and
should be timed so that they reach the house
during the function.
A husband and wife each send a card when
the invitation is issued in the name of the
hostess only, and two cards each when issued
in the name of hostess and her daughter. If
issued in the name of both husband and
wife, a husband should send two and his wife
should send one card.
DAUGHTERS. The daughters who have passed
the debutante age usually stand for an hour
beside their mother to receive the guests,
and afterward mingle with the guests to help
to make the function a success.
DEBUTANTE. When a tea is given in honor of
a debutante, she stands beside the hostess
(usually her mother), and each guest is introduced
to her. Flowers should be liberally
provided, and friends may contribute on such
an occasion.
The host and the men all wear the regulation
afternoon dress.
Women wear costumes appropriate to the
afternoon, more elegant in proportion to the
elaborateness of the function.
Guests may suit their convenience in
arriving, provided they do not come at the
opening hour nor at the very end.
After leaving their wraps in the dressing-
rooms, guests enter the drawing-room, leaving
their cards in the tray in the hall, and
then giving their names to the man at the
door, who announces them.
On entering the room, the women precede
the men.
After greeting the hostess and being introduced
to those receiving with her, the guests
move into the middle of the room.
Guests go the dining-room when they
wish without greeting the hostess.
It is not expected that guests at a large reception
will stay all the afternoon. Twenty
minutes is long enough. It is not necessary
to bid the hostess good-bye when leaving.
If guests take leave of host and hostess,
they should shake hands.
In the dining-room the men, assisted by
the waiters, help the women.
When the reception is a small formal one,
the guests may stay a longer time, and usually
it is better to take leave of the hostess,
unless she is much occupied at the time.
HOST. Except when a newly married couple
give a house-warming or a reception, the host
does not stand beside his wife, but spends
the time in making introductions, and doing
his best to make the function a success.
When some married woman or woman
guest of honor assists his wife to receive, he
should at the proper moment escort her to
the dining-room.
HOSTESS. The hostess and those receiving with
her should be just within the door, ready to
receive each guest as announced.
The hostess shakes hands with each guest,
and introduces them to those receiving with
her.
Friends assisting a hostess to entertain are
generally permitted to invite a few of their
own friends, and their cards are sent with
those of the hostess. A pretty feature is the
presence of a number of young women here
and there in the rooms to assist in receiving
the guests. Music is always appropriate.
HOURS. The hours are from 4 to 7 P.M.
INTRODUCTIONS. The hostess should introduce
her guests to those receiving with her.
See also INTRODUCTION.
INVITATIONS. Engraved invitations are sent a
week or ten days in advance, by mail or messenger.
They are usually issued in the name of the
hostess only, though they may be issued in
the name of both husband and wife.
In place of the visiting-card, an "At
Home" card may be used, or cards specially
engraved for the purpose.
When cards are sent to a married couple,
the cards are addressed to both husband and
wife.
Invitations are sent in two envelopes-the
inner one unsealed and bearing the name of
the guest, and the outer one sealed, with, the
street address.
INVITATIONS, ANSWERING. It is not necessary
to accept or decline these invitations, as the
guest accepts by his presence. If unable to
do so, he should send by mail or messenger
a visiting-card, to reach the hostess during
the ceremony.
When the invitation has been issued in the
name of the hostess only, a husband and wife
each send a card, and if in the name of hostess
and her daughter, each should send two
cards. If the invitation has been issued in
the name of the husband and wife, the wife
should send one and a husband two cards.
If the woman in the family is the only one
present at the function, she can leave cards
for the rest of the family.
MEN. Both the host and men wear the regulation
afternoon dress, consisting of the long
frock coat with single or double-breasted
waistcoat to match, or of some fancy cloth,
and gray trousers. White linen, a light tie,
a silk hat, gray gloves, and patent leather
shoes complete the costume.
The overcoat, hat, and cane are left in
the dressing-room, and the guest removes one
or both gloves as he pleases--remembering
that he must offer his ungloved right hand
to the hostess.
SHAKING HANDS. Guests on being presented to
the hostess should shake hands. If guest
takes leave of hostess, they should shake
hands. If the hostess is surrounded by
guests, a pleasant nod of farewell is admissible.
WOMEN. Women leave cards of their male relatives
as well as their own, even though their
names may be announced upon entering.
Guests leave their cards in a receptacle provided
for the purpose, or give them to the
servant at the door.
Women wear a costume appropriate for
the afternoon, and keep their hats and
gloves on.
AFTERNOON TEAS (INFORMAL). An afternoon tea is a
simple entertainment. Refreshments are
generally served to the guests. An innovation
lately introduced has become quite popular
--namely, young women, invited for
the purpose, wait upon the guests, bringing
in one dainty at a time.
An afternoon tea is called a formal afternoon
tea when engraved cards have been
issued, naming set date.
CARDS. Guests should leave cards in the hall, or
hand them to the servant. Women may
leave the cards of the men of her family.
Those unable to attend should send card the
same afternoon by mail or messenger.
See also AFTERNOON TEAS (Formal)-Cards.
DRESS. Both men and women wear afternoon dress.
GUESTS. All guests, both men and women, wear
afternoon dress.
Guests may suit their convenience in arriving
or departing--provided they do not
come at the opening hour, nor stay to the
last moment.
After the guests have left their wraps in
the dressing-rooms, they leave their cards in
the tray in the hall and enter the drawing-
room, the women preceding the men.
After greeting the hostess and being introduced
to those assisting her, the guests quietly move
away and mingle with the rest.
Each guest goes to the dining-room when
he pleases and leaves when he wishes. It is
not necessary upon departure to shake hands
with the hostess at a large reception, though
it is better to do so at a small affair.
It is not necessary for a guest to stay the
entire evening; twenty minutes is sufficient.
HOST. If present, he does not receive with his
wife. It is not essential that he be present
on such an occasion.
HOSTESS. The hostess wears full dress. Daughters
may assist, or young women may be asked to do so.
HOURS. From four to seven.
INVITATIONS. For an afternoon tea a visitingcard
may be used with the hour and date
written or engraved on it. They may be sent
by mail or messenger.
The invitation need not be acknowledged.
AFTERNOON WEDDING RECEPTIONS are conducted the
same as Wedding Receptions, which see.
AGRICULTURE, SECRETARY OF--HOW ADDRESSED. An
official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have sir,
the honor to remain your most obedient servant.
A social letter begins: My dear Mr. Wilson,
and ends: I have the honor to remain most sincerely
yours.
The address on the envelope is: Hon. John
J. Wilson, Secretary of Agriculture.
AISLE PROCESSION.
See WEDDING PROCESSION.
ANGLICAN CHURCH ARCHBISHOP.
See ARCHBISHOP.
ANGLICAN CHURCH BISHOP.
See BISHOP.
ANNIVERSARIES--WEDDING. These are as follows:
First year...................Paper
Fifth year.................Wooden
Tenth year ..................Tin
Twelfth year.............Leather
Fifteenth year ..........Crystal
Twentieth year.............China
Twenty-fifth year.........Silver
Thirtieth year ............Ivory
Fortieth year.............Woolen
Forty-fifth year............Silk
Fiftieth year............ Golden
Seventy-fifth year...... Diamond
Less attention is now paid than formerly
to all those before the silver wedding. For
specific information, see SILVER WEDDING, TIN
WEDDING, etc.
ANNOUNCEMENT--ENGAGEMENT.
See ENGAGEMENT PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT.
ANNOUNCING GUESTS--BALLS. The hostess decides
whether or not the guests are to be announced.
At public balls it is customary.
ANSWERING INVITATIONS.
See under FUNCTIONS, as
DINNERS, INVITATIONS, etc.
APPLES should be pared, cut into small pieces, and
eaten with finders or forks.
ARCHBISHOP OF ANGLICAN CHURCH--HOW ADDRESSED.
An official letter begins: My Lord Archbishop,
may it please your Grace, and ends:
I remain, My Lord Archbishop, your Grace's
most obedient servant.
A social letter begins: My dear Lord
Archbishop, and ends: I have the honor to remain,
my dear Lord Archbishop.
The address on the envelop is: The Most
Reverend, His Grace the Archbishop of Kent.
ARCHBISHOP OF ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH--HOW ADDRESSED.
An official or social letter begins:
Most Reverend and Dear Sir, and ends: I
have the honor to remain your humble servant.
The address on the envelope is: The Most
Reverend John J. Wilson, Archbishop of Kent.
ARTICHOKES are eaten with the fingers, taking off leaf
by leaf and dipping into the sauce. The
solid portion is broken up and eaten with a
fork.
ASPARAGUS. The stalks may be taken between the
finger and the thumb, if they are not too
long, or the green end may be cut off and
eaten with a fork, scraping off with the
knife what is desired from the remaining
part.
AT HOMES.
AFTERNOON AT HOMES. The days for receiving
are engraved in the lower left hand
corner of the card, with hours specified if one
wishes.
No changes should be made in these hours
by the hostess unless for exceptional reasons,
and she should always be present at the
time set.
Unless very intimate, the call should be
made only on the specified days.
BACHELORS. It is not customary for a bachelor
to use "At Home" cards as a woman does,
nor to invite his friends by writing a date
and Music at four on his calling-cards in
place of an invitation.
DRESS. In the afternoon the caller should wear
afternoon dress, and in the evening evening
dress.
ACKNOWLEDGING INVITATIONS. Invitations to
an ordinary at home need no acknowledgment.
INVITATIONS. Cards for an "At Home" are engraved
with the hour for beginning the
entertainment--as, Chocolate at 4.30 o'clock.
The invitations to a formal "At Home"
should be sent in two envelopes, but to an
ordinary "At Home" in one envelope. For
informal affairs the hour may be written on
an ordinary "At Home" card.
BACHELORS' DINNERS. They follow the usual custom
of formal dinners, and may be as elaborate as
desired. Women may be invited. Such
dinners are often given for men only.
CALLS. Women do not call upon a bachelor
after attending a dinner given by him.
CHAPERONE. If women are present, a married
woman as chaperone is indispensable, and
her husband must also be invited. The host
should call upon the chaperone and personally
request the favor.
The chaperone is taken into dinner by the
host, unless the latter takes in the woman in
whose honor the dinner may be given. In
the latter case, the chaperone is seated at the
host's left. She gives the signal for the
women to leave the dining-room.
All guests should be introduced to the
chaperone, and she should be called upon
after a short time by the host.
DRESS. All guests wear evening dress.
HOST. The host should call upon the chaperone
within a few days after the dinner.
If men only are present, he either precedes
or follows the guests into the dining-room,
and if he has given the dinner in honor of
some man, he has the latter seated at his
right. His duties are the same as the host
at dinners.
INVITATIONS. These are usually given in brief
notes, but may be engraved, and are similar
to the regular invitations to dinners, and are
treated accordingly.
MEN. The men wear evening dress, and follow
the same etiquette as at other dinners.
WOMEN. The women wear evening dress, and
follow the same etiquette as at all dinners,
except that no calls are made by them afterward
upon the host.
BACHELOR'S FAREWELL DINNER. If the groom wishes,
he may give a farewell dinner a few evenings
before the wedding to his best man, ushers,
and a few intimate friends. He sits at the
head of the table and the best man opposite,
and on this occasion he may give scarf-pins,
link cuff-buttons--or neckties and gloves, if
he wishes--to the best man and ushers.
BACHELORS' LUNCHEONS. These are conducted like
BACHELOR'S DINNERS, which see. The one difference
is that, should the luncheon be given
before 6 P.M., afternoon dress should be worn.
BACHELORS' OPERA PARTIES. See THEATRE AND OPERA
PARTIES GIVEN BY MEN.
BACHELORS' SUPPERS. These are conducted the same
as BACHELOR'S DINNERS, which see.
BACHELORS' TEAS OR AFTERNOON RECEPTIONS.
CHAPERONES. If women are present, a married
chaperone is indispensable, who should be
the first person invited by personal call.
The chaperone at a small affair pours the
tea, and at a large one she receives with the
host, and each guest is presented to her.
The host conducts the chaperone to her
carriage, and also any other women who may
have assisted her.
DRESS. The hosts and guests wear afternoon
dress.
INVITATIONS. These maybe oral, brief notes, or,
for a large affair, engraved, and should be
sent from three days to a week in advance.
HOST. The host should greet his guests at the
door, shaking hands with each one, and introducing
to the chaperone those not known
to her.
He introduces guests who are strangers to
each other, bids them adieu, accompanies the
women to the door, and escorts the chaperone
to her carriage, and if she has come
alone without one, may very properly escort
her home.
If at a large reception several women have
helped him entertain, he should thank them
and see them to their carriages.
He will, of course, see that there is provided
a dressing-room for women with a maid to
wait upon them, and that the rooms are in
good order, well furnished with flowers, and
that the refreshments are attended to.
See also INVITATIONS.
MEN. Afternoon dress is worn.
WOMEN. The invitations, engraved or oral,
should be promptly acknowledged.
Women wear dress customary at afternoon
teas, and on their entrance should greet the
host. Upon departing they take leave of him,
though this is not necessary if the reception
be a large one.
If a young woman knows that a chaperone
is present, she need not have her own chaperone
accompany her.
If the chaperone leaves early, she should do
likewise.
BACHELORS' THEATRE PARTY. See THEATRE AND OPERA
PARTIES GIVEN BY MEN.
BADGES--BALLS (PUBLIC). It is customary for men
and women on the committees to wear on the
left side of the breast ornamental badges,
embroidered with the official position of the
wearer.
BAGGAGE. If a man is traveling with a woman, he
should see to the checking and care of her
baggage.
See also TRAVELING.
WEDDING TRIP. The best man should, some
time before the wedding, see that the baggage
of the bridal couple has been checked, and
the checks given to the groom.
See also BEST MAN.
BALLS. A ball is an evening function, beginning at
a late hour, devoted wholly to dancing. The
costumes are more elaborate, the supper arrangements
more extensive, and the floral
decorations more lavish than at a dance.
ACCEPTING INVITATION TO DANCE. While a
young woman may accept or decline any invitation
to dance, it is considered an act of discourtesy
to refuse one man for a dance and
to accept an invitation thereafter for the
same dance from another.
ANNOUNCING GUESTS. The hostess decides
whether or not the guests are to be announced.
At public balls it is customary.
ANSWERING INVITATIONS. These should be answered
immediately, and if declined, the
ticket should be returned.
ARRIVING AT. There is no set rule when guests
should arrive.
In the city, guests should arrive anywhere
between eleven and twelve, and in the country,
fifteen minutes after the hour set in the
invitation.
ASKING WOMEN TO DANCE. A man asks for
the privilege of a dance either with the
daughter of the hostess, with any guest of
the latter, or with any young woman receiving
with her.
On being introduced to a woman, he may
ask her for a dance, and should be punctual
in keeping the engagement.
It is her privilege to end the dance at any
moment she wishes, after which he should
conduct her to her chaperone or find a seat
for her, after which he is at liberty to go
elsewhere.
If for any cause a man has to break his
engagements to dance, he should personally
explain the matter to every woman with
whom he has an engagement and make a
suitable apology.
BALLS, ASSEMBLY. The etiquette at an assembly
ball is much the same as at a private ball,
the functions and duties of the hostess being
filled by a committee of women selected for
that purpose.
On entering the room, the guests bow to
the committee and pass on.
It is not necessary to take leave of the
committee.
CARRIAGE. A man should provide a carriage
in which to call for the woman he escorts
and her chaperone.
CHAPERONES. For a small ball given in a private
house, the hostess need not invite the mothers
of the young women, and the young women
can properly attend, knowing that the hostess
will act as a chaperone.
But at a large ball it is necessary to invite
the mother as well as the daughters, and
the chaperone as well as the debutante under
her care. The mother can send regrets for
herself, and send her daughters in care of a
maid. Or she can attend, and, after remaining
a suitable time, she may entrust her
daughter to the care of a chaperone who
intends to remain the whole evening.
BALLS FOR DEBUTANTE.
DRESS. A debutante should dress in white or
some extremely delicate color, and wear very
little jewelry--some simple brooch or single
piece of jewelry, or a slender chain of pearls.
DUTIES OF DAUGHTERS. Except at her own
debut, a daughter does not assist her mother
in receiving. She should be ready, however,
to see that young women have partners, and
to speak, without introduction, to strangers.
GUEST OF HONOR. If the ball is given in honor
of some special person, he should be met on
his arrival, introduced to the women of the
reception committee, escorted to the seat prepared
for him, and be looked after the entire
evening.
At the end of the ball he should be escorted
to his carriage.
DUTIES OF HOST. It is not necessary that a
man receive with his wife. He should do all
he can to help make the ball successful,
especially if his name appears on the invitation.
He should assist in finding partners
for the women, taking the chaperones into
supper, preventing the men from selfishly
remaining in the dressing-room, and at the
end escorting unattended women to their
carriages.
When a formal supper is served, he takes
into supper the leading chaperone.
DUTIES OF HOSTESS. As a ball is an entertainment
for dancing, it is better to give two
small balls where the guests are not crowded
than one where they are. It is permissible
for a hostess not having sufficient room to
hire rooms in some place suitable for the
purpose.
In selecting guests, it is wise to have more
men present than women.
The hostess should see to it that the rooms
are well ventilated and well lighted. An
awning and a carpet from the street to the
hall door should be provided.
The hostess should stand near the door,
prepared to receive the guests as they enter,
shaking hands with each one, friend or
stranger, and introducing any woman who
may receive with her.
A hostess herself should not dance until
late in the evening, unless she knows that
nearly all her guests have arrived.
A wise hostess will personally see that the
women are provided with partners, and that
diffident young men are introduced.
The hostess should see that the floor is
suitable for dancing, that music is arranged,
programs printed, that dressing-rooms, one
for the men and one for the women, are arranged
for with suitable attendants.
The hostess should stand where the guests
can take leave of her, and should shake
hands with each when leaving.
HOURS. In the city the hour for a ball to begin
is from 10.30 to 11 P.M., but in the country
the hour is earlier--from 9 to 9.30.
A public ball begins promptly at the time
mentioned in the announcement.
INVITATIONS. These are issued from ten to
twenty days before the ball, and should be
answered immediately.
For an impromptu dance, they may be
issued within a few days of the affair.
These invitations should be engraved. As
a general rule, it is not now customary to put
on them the letters R. S. V. P.
But when an engraved invitation is posted,
two envelopes are used, the inner one bearing
the person's name only and unsealed, and
the outer bearing both the name and address
and sealed.
If the ball has any peculiar feature, as a
masquerade or costume, the invitation should
have some words to that effect in the lower
left hand corner--as, Costume of the XVIIth
Century, Bal Masque, or Bal Poudre.
INVITATIONS ASKED FOR STRANGERS. If a
hostess receives a request from friends for
invitations for friends of theirs, she can properly
refuse all such requests, and no friend
should feel aggrieved at a refusal for what
she has no right to ask and which the hostess
is under no obligation to give. If the
hostess chooses to grant the request, well and
good.
She would naturally do so when the request
is for a near relative, or the betrothed of the
one making the request.
A man should never ask for an invitation
to a ball for another person, except for his
fiancee or a near relative.
A woman may ask for an invitation for her
fiance, a brother, or a male friend of long
standing, or for a visiting friend. She should
take care that she does not ask it for some
one known to the hostess and whom the latter
does not desire to invite. No offense should be
felt at a refusal save, possibly, in the case of a
brother, sister, or fiance.
INVITATIONS GIVEN BY A NEWCOMER. When a
newcomer in a neighborhood desires to give
a ball but has no visiting list, it is allowable
for her to borrow the visiting list of
some friend. The friend, however, arranges
that in each envelope is placed a calling-card
of her own, so that the invited ones may know
that she is acting as sponsor for the newcomer.
INVITATIONS ANSWERED. Every invitation
should be answered as soon as possible, and
in the third person if the invitation was in the
third person. The answer should be sent to
the party requesting the pleasure, even if
many names are on the invitation.
When a subscriber to a subscription ball
invites a friend who is a non-subscriber, she
encloses her card in the envelope, and the invited
friend sends the answer to the subscriber
sending the invitation.
INTRODUCTIONS. When a man is introduced to a
woman at a ball, he should ask her for a
dance.
MEN AT. Courtesy toward his hostess and consideration
for his friends demands that a
man who can dance should do so.
To accept an invitation to a ball and then
refuse to dance shows that a man is lacking
in good breeding.
A man finding few friends at a ball should
ask some friend, or the hostess, to introduce
him to some women whom he can invite to
dance.
It is an act of discourtesy for a man not to
request a dance of a woman to whom he has
been introduced.
A man escorting a woman to a ball should
agree where to meet her after they have each
left their wraps at the dressing-rooms. It
may be at the foot of the stairway or near
the ball-room door.
It is now no longer customary for the man
and woman to enter arm in arm, but for the
woman to precede the man, and together
they greet the hostess. It is for the hostess
to merely bow or to shake hands, and the
guests follow her lead.
A man should see that his companion's
chaperone is comfortably seated, and then
ask his companion for a couple of dances,
and, with her permission, introduce other
young men, who should ask her to dance.
Such permission is not usually asked if the
man is her fiance, a near relative, or an old
friend.
It is strictly the woman's prerogative to decide
to retire, and no man should urge or
hint to a woman to retire earlier than she
wishes.
MEN--CARRIAGE. A man asking a woman to
accompany him to a ball should call in a carriage
for her and her chaperone.
MEN--DRESS. Men wear full evening dress in
summer or winter, city and town.
Gloves of white dressed kid should be worn
at all balls.
NEWCOMERS. See BALLS-INVITATIONS GIVEN BY
NEWCOMERS.
PATRONESSES. See PUBLIC BALLS--PATRONESSES.
TIPPING SERVANTS. Only at public balls is it
customary to give a tip to the men and
women in charge of the cloak-room.
SUPPER. Usually a buffet supper, being more
easily handled and arranged for. Supper at
tables requires many servants, much preparation,
and great care.
WOMEN AT. A mother should attend balls with
her daughters, going and returning with
them, and if she is not invited, they should
decline the invitation. The father can act
as escort if need be.
After greeting the hostess and guests, the
guests pay their respects to the head of the
house if he is present.
Taking leave of the hostess is unnecessary.
It is no longer customary for a couple to
enter arm in arm, but for the woman to precede
the man. A mother, elder sister, or
married woman takes the precedence over
a daughter, younger sister, or unmarried
woman.
If not at once asked to dance, a young
woman should take a seat by her chaperone.
It is bad taste to refuse a dance with one
man and then to dance that same dance with
another.
Both the hostess and the women wear their
most elaborate costume for such an entertainment-
decollete, short-sleeved, and a long train.
For a less elaborate affair the costume
may be plainer.
BALLS, ASSEMBLY. See ASSEMBLY BALLS.
BALLS, COSTUME. See COSTUME BALLS.
BALLS, DEBUT. See DEBUT BALLS.
BALLS, PUBLIC. See PUBLIC BALLS.
BALLS, SUBSCRIPTION. See SUBSCRIPTION BALLS.
BANANAS. The skin should be cut off with a knife,
peeling from the top down, while holding in
the hand. Small pieces should be cut or
broken off, and taken in the fingers, or they
may be cut up and eaten with a fork.
BARON-HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins:
My Lord, and ends: I have the honor to be
your Lordship's obedient servant.
The address on the envelope is: To the
Right Honorable the Baron Wilson.
A social letter begins: Dear Lord Wilson,
and ends: Believe me, my dear Lord Wilson,
very sincerely yours.
The address is: To the Lord Wilson.
DAUGHTER OF. See DAUGHTER OF BARON.
WIFE OF YOUNGER SON OF. See WIFE OF YOUNGER
SON OF BARON.
BARON, YOUNGER SON OF--How Addressed. An
official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have
the honor to remain your obedient servant.
A social letter begins: Dear Mr. Wilson,
and ends: Believe me, dear Mr. Wilson, sincerely
yours.
The address on the envelope is: To the
Honorable John Wilson.
BARONESS-HOW ADDRESSED, An official letter begins:
Madam, and ends: I have the honor to remain
your Ladyship's most obedient servant.
The address on the envelope is: To the
Right Honorable The Baroness Kent.
A social letter begins: Dear Lady Kent,
and ends. Believe me dear Lady Kent, sincerely
yours.
The address is: To the Lady Kent.
BARONET-HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins:
Sir, and ends: I have the honor to remain,
sir, your obedient servant.
A social letter begins: Dear Sir John Wilson,
or Dear Sir John, and ends: Believe me,
dear Sir John, faithfully yours.
The address on the envelope is: To Sir
John Wilson, Bart.
WIFE OF, See WIFE OF BARONET.
BEST MAN. The best man is usually a bachelor, but
may be a married man or a widower, and is
selected by the groom. He fills an important
position, requiring tact, administrative
ability, and capacity to handle details. He
acts as the groom's representative, confidential
advisor, and business advisor.
After his selection he should send a gift to
the bride, and may, if he wish, send it to the
groom-a custom not yet clearly established,
and one not to be either encouraged or followed
with safety.
On the morning of the wedding-day he
should have received both the ring and fee
from the groom, and should personally see to
the church and other details.
He breakfasts with the groom, and together
they drive to the church.
CALLS. He should call on the bride's mother
within two weeks after the ceremony, and
also on the married couple upon their return
from their wedding trip.
CHURCH. He accompanies the groom into the
chancel, and stands by his side till the bride
appears, when he receives the groom's hat
and gloves, and stands a little way behind
him. When the clergyman bids the bride
and groom join hands, he gives the ring to
to the groom.
At the conclusion of the ceremony, he
gives the wedding fee to the clergyman, and
hastily leaves the church to summon the
groom's carriage and to return him his
hat. He signs the register, if a witness is
needed.
It is a better arrangement to have the
groom and the best man enter the church
without their hats, and have the latter sent
from the vestry to the church door, so that the
groom may receive his when he leaves the
church.
Especially is this a good arrangement if
the best man has to walk with the maid of
honor down the aisle.
After this, he hastens in his own carriage
to the bride's home, to assist in meeting and
introducing the guests at the reception or
breakfast.
DRESS. If the bride presents the best man with
the boutonniere, he should go to her house
on the wedding-day to have her put it in the
lapel of his coat.
He should dress as nearly as possible like the
groom-wearing afternoon dress at an afternoon
wedding, and at an evening wedding
evening dress.
See also GROOM-DRESS.
EXPENSES. The best man is the guest of the
groom, and in matters of expense this should
be borne in mind.
REPORTERS. If such is the wish of the family
of the bride, the best man attends to the reporters,
and furnishes them with the names
of groom, bride, relatives, friends, description
of gowns, and other details deemed
suitable for publication.
WEDDING BREAKFAST. The best man escorts
the maid of honor, and they are usually
seated at the bridal table.
WEDDING RECEPTION. The best man stands
with the married couple, and is introduced
to the guests.
WEDDING TRIP. He should arrange beforehand
all details of the trip-as to tickets, parlor-car,
flowers, baggage, etc. He alone knows the
point of destination, and is in honor bound
not to betray it, save in case of emergencies.
He should see that the married couple
leave the house without any trouble, and if
the station is near, he should go in a separate
carriage (provided by the groom) to personally
attend to all details. He is the last
one to see the married couple, and should return
to the house to give their last message
to the parents.
BEST WISHES TO BRIDE. One should give best wishes
to the bride and congratulations to the
groom.
BICYCLING. A man bicycling with a woman should
extend to her all the courtesies practised
when riding or driving with her, such as
allowing her to set the pace, taking the lead
on unfamiliar roads and in dangerous
places, riding on the side nearest obstacles,
etc.
MEN--DRESS. A man should wear the regulation
suit coat, waistcoat, and knickerbockers
of gray or brown tweed, avoiding all
eccentricities of personal taste.
BIRTH (Announcement). If wishing to send congratulations
after a birth, cards should be left in
person or sent by a messenger. Cut flowers
may be sent with the card.
BISHOP OF THE ANGLICAN CHURCH--HOW ADDRESSED.
An official letter begins: My Lord, and ends:
I have the honor to remain your Lordship's
most obedient servant.
A social letter begins: My Dear Lord
Bishop, and ends: I have the honor to remain,
my Dear Lord Bishop, faithfully yours.
The address on the envelope: To the Right
Rev. The Lord Bishop of Kent.
BISHOP (PROTESTANT)-HOW ADDRESSED. An official
letter begins: Right Reverend and Dear Sir,
and ends: I have the honor to remain your
obedient servant.
A social letter begins: Dear Bishop Wilson,
and ends: I remain sincerely yours.
The address on the envelope is: To the
Right Reverend John J. Wilson, Bishop of,
Montana.
BISHOP (ROMAN CATHOLIC)--HOW ADDRESSED. An
official or social letter begins. Right Reverend
and Dear Sir, and ends: I have the honor
to remain your humble servant.
The address on the envelope is: To the
Right Reverend John J. Wilson, Bishop of
Ohio.
BONNETS (THEATRE). A woman of any consideration
should either wear no bonnet or remove it
when the curtain rises.
It would be in place for a man or a woman
to politely request a woman whose bonnet
obstructs the view to remove it, and, after
it was done, to thank the woman for so
doing.
BOUQUETS (WEDDING). The bouquet carried by the
bride is furnished by the groom, who should
also provide bouquets for the bridesmaids.
BOWING
MEN, When leaving a woman at the door of
her house, he bows and retires as the door
is opened.
When seeing a woman to her carriage, he
should raise his hat on closing the door.
On a railroad a man removes his hat in a
parlor-car, but not in a day coach.
In street-cars a man should raise his hat
when giving his seat to a woman; also when
rendering a service to a woman in public, in
answering a question, or in apologizing to a
woman.
In elevators, when women are present,
the hat should be removed.
In hotel halls or corridors a man passing
a woman should raise his hat.
Men do not raise their hats to one another,
save out of deference to an elderly person, a
person of note, or a clergyman.
In driving, if impossible to raise the hat,
he should touch it with his whip.
The hat is gracefully lifted from the head,
brought to the level of the chest, and the
body inclined forward, and then replaced in
passing.
It is the woman's privilege to bow first if
it is a mere acquaintance. If, however, a
woman bows, and the man fails to recognize
her, he should bow in return.
A man may bow first to a very intimate
friend.
Meeting a woman to whom he has been
introduced at an entertainment, he should
wait until she bows first.
After bowing to a woman, the man may
join her, and with her permission may walk
a short distance with her.
He should not stand in the street and converse
with her any length of time. She may
excuse herself and pass on. He should not
feel affronted.
If he meets a woman he does not know
accompanied by a man he does know, both
men bow.
The man accompanying her should bow
to every man or woman to whom she bows.
WOMEN. A woman's bow should be dignified--
a faint smile and a gentle inclination of the
head.
Women bow first to men when meeting in
the street. A man may bow first if the
acquaintance is intimate.
When walking with a man, and they meet
another unknown to her, but known to her
escort, both men bow. If she meets a friend,
man or woman, unknown to her escort, he
bows.
Unless an introduction has taken place at
any function, no recognition is customary.
It is the woman's privilege, however, to decide
for herself whether she will recognize
the guest or not.
A man bowing and joining a woman on
the street must ask permission to do so.
She is at perfect liberty to gracefully decline.
If a man stops to talk on the street, she
may excuse herself and pass on. If she
continues the conversation and he stands
with his hat in his hand, she may request
him to replace it. Such conversations should
be brief.
BREAD should be broken into small pieces, buttered,
and transferred with the fingers to the mouth.
The bread should be placed on the small
plate provided for the purpose.
BREAKFASTS. Breakfasts are generally given from
ten to twelve in the morning. Very formal
breakfasts are held at twelve o'clock.
CALLS. A call need not be made after a simple
breakfast, but obligatory after a formal one.
DRESS. Street costumes are worn by men and
women.
GUESTS. Guests leave half an hour after the
breakfast.
HOURS. The hour is from 12 to 12.30.
INVITATIONS. Cards are engraved and sent a
week in advance for formal breakfasts, but
for informal breakfasts they may be written.
If given in honor of a special guest, the
name is engraved on the card--as, TO MEET
MR. WILSON.
MEN. Men are usually invited, and they are
often given for men. Men wear street costume.
Guests should leave half an hour after
breakfast. A call is not necessary after a
simple breakfast, but obligatory after a formal
one.
MEN LEAVING CARDS. After a breakfast a man
should leave a card for host and hostess,
whether the invitation was accepted or not.
Or it may be sent by mail or messenger, with
an apology for so doing.
WOMEN. Women wear street costume, including
gloves, the latter being taken off at table.
Women remove their coats and wraps, but
not bonnets.
Guests should leave half an hour after
breakfast. A call is not necessary after a
simple breakfast, but obligatory after a formal
one.
WEDDING. See WEDDING RECEPTIONS OR BREAKFASTS.
BREAKING DINNER ENGAGEMENTS. When it is absolutely
necessary to break an engagement made for
a dinner, a letter should be sent as soon as
possible to the hostess, either by special delivery
or messenger, giving the reason and
expressing regrets.
BRIDE. The bride selects the church and the clergyman,
and can, if she wishes, ask the latter
personally or by note to perform the ceremony.
She selects the music for the ceremony
and the organist, names the wedding
day, and selects the ushers and the bridesmaids.
Of the bridesmaids, she may select
one, some near friend, as the maid of honor,
to act for her, as the best man does for the
groom.
She further designates one of the ushers to
be master of ceremonies, and should instruct
him minutely as to the details she desires
carried out-how the wedding party shall enter
the church, proceed up the aisle, etc.
A few days before the wedding she gives a
dinner to the bridesmaids and maid of honor,
who take this opportunity to examine the
trousseau. The ushers, best man, and groom
may come after the dinner to attend the wedding
rehearsal. These rehearsals should be
gone through carefully, and if they can be
held at the church so much the better. Each
person should be instructed by note as to their
duties, as this prevents confusion.
CHURCH. On the wedding-day, after receiving
the bridesmaids and maid of honor at her
house, she goes to the church with her father
(or nearest male relative), and leans upon his
arm as they proceed up the aisle, following
the bridesmaids, and carrying her bridal bouquet
(or, if she wishes, a prayer-book).
Arriving at the chancel, she leaves her
father and steps forward to take the left arm
of the groom, who advances from the chancel
to meet her. They stand before the clergyman,
and, if they wish, may kneel, and upon
rising stand about a foot apart.
At the words of the ceremony, "Who giveth
this woman away?" or, "To be married to this
man?" her father advances and places her
right hand in that of the clergyman, who
places it in the groom's right hand. After
this her father retires to his seat in the pew
with his family.
When the plighting of the troth comes, the
groom receives the ring from the best man
and hands it to the bride, who gives it to the
clergyman. He returns it to the groom, who
then places it on the third finger of the bride's
left hand. When plighting the troth, the
bride gives her glove and bouquet to the maid
of honor, or, what is better, the finger of the
glove may be cut to allow the ring to be placed
on without the glove being removed.
The kiss at the altar is no longer in good
form.
At the end of the ceremony, after the clergyman
has congratulated the married couple,
the bride takes her husband's right arm and
they lead the procession to the vestibule, where
they receive the congratulations of near
friends. Here the maid of honor and bridesmaids
cloak and prepare the bride for the trip
home in the groom's carriage.
DRESS. The bride is veiled, and is dressed in
white-full dress, day or evening. Gloves
need not be worn in the church. The bridesmaids
provide their own outfit, unless the
bride asks them to dress in a style of her own
selecting. In this case, she supplies them
gowns, hats, gloves, and shoes, as she may
wish.
FAREWELL LUNCHEON. While a farewell luncheon
given to the bridesmaids by the bride
is not necessary, yet it is a pleasant way for a
woman to entertain her female friends the
last time in her father's house.
On this occasion it is a good plan for the
bride to give to the maid of honor and brides-maids
her souvenirs, which, of course, should
be alike, and of use at the wedding ceremony.
GIFTS. The bride may give to the groom a ring
as an engagement ring if she wishes. She
should make suitable gifts to the bridesmaids
as souvenirs of the occasion, and may also
present them with flowers. If she presents
boutonnieres to the best man and the ushers,
they should appear at her house before the
ceremony and have her place them in the
lapel of their coats.
She should acknowledge immediately the
receipt of all wedding gifts.
GLOVES. The bride need not wear gloves in the
church.
INVITATIONS. At a church wedding the bride
usually provides the bridesmaids with extra
invitations for their personal use.
KISS. Only the parents of the bride and her
most intimate relatives should kiss the bride.
It is now no longer good form for all to do so.
SEEING GROOM ON WEDDING-DAY. It is not
customary for the bride to see the groom on
the wedding-day till she meets him at the
altar.
WEDDING BREAKFAST. The bride and groom
occupy the centre one of the small tables.
At all wedding breakfasts it is customary
for the guests to assemble in the drawing-room,
and then to enter the breakfast-room
together--the bride and groom leading the
way.
It is not usual to have the bridal cake at
a wedding breakfast, but if such is the case,
the bride makes the first cut, and the slices
are given first to those at the bridal table.
WEDDING RECEPTION. She should stand by her
husband's side to receive the best wishes of all
present. The guests are not announced, but
are introduced by the ushers to the bride if
not known to her.
The bride should not leave her place to
mingle with the guests until all have been
introduced to her.
BRIDE'S FAMILY. See FAMILY OF BRIDE.
BRIDE'S FATHER. See FATHER OF BRIDE.
BRIDE'S MOTHER. See MOTHER OF BRIDE.
BRIDEGROOM. See GROOM.
BRIDESMAIDS. The bridesmaids are selected by the
bride, and number six, eight, or twelve--
mostly eight. She usually gives them a
dinner a few days before the wedding, at
which she shows them the trousseau and discusses
the details of the wedding.
The ushers and the groom are invited to
come after the dinner, and then the rehearsal
takes place. The bridesmaids should be
present at this and all other rehearsals, and
if unable to be present at the wedding should
give the bride ample notice, that a substitute
may be secured.
CALLS. They call upon the mother of the bride
within a week or ten days after the ceremony,
and upon the bride, in her own home, after
her return from her wedding trip.
CARRIAGES. A carriage provided by the family
of the bride calls for the bridesmaid on the
wedding-day, and takes her to the bride's
house. Her carriage follows the bride's to the
church, and, after the ceremony, takes her to
the wedding breakfast or reception.
CHURCH. They meet at the house of the bride,
and there take their carriages to the church.
While their carriages follow that of the bride,
they alight first and receive her in the vestibule.
They may carry bouquets supplied by
the bride's family or the groom.
In the procession tip the aisle they follow
the ushers, walking two by two, and as the
ushers approach the altar they divide--one-half
to the right and one-half to the left. The
bridesmaids do likewise, leaving space for
the bridal party to pass.
In the procession down the aisle they follow
the best man and maid of honor to the
vestibule, where, after giving their best wishes
to the bride, and congratulations to the
groom, they return to the bride's home to
assist in entertaining the guests at the reception
or breakfast.
DANCING. At the wedding breakfast or reception
dancing is sometimes indulged in.
DINNER TO MARRIED COUPLE. The bridesmaids
usually give a dinner to the married couple
on the latter's return from their wedding trip.
DRESS. They usually follow the wishes of the
bride in the matter of dress. Should she
desire any particular style of dress, entailing
considerable expense, on account of novelty
or oddity, she usually presents them the outfit,
which it is permissible for them to accept.
If the bride has no particular wish, they
decide the matter among themselves, always
bearing in mind that their style of dress and
material must be subordinated to that of the
bride, and that there could be no greater exhibition
of lack of refinement and good taste
than for any bridesmaid to make herself in
any way more attractive than the bride.
GIFTS. It is customary for them to send a wedding
gift to the bride.
They usually receive a pretty souvenir
from the bride and a bouquet from the
groom.
INVITATIONS. At a large church wedding several
invitations are usually given to the
bridesmaids for their own personal use.
REHEARSALS. They should be present at all
rehearsals.
WEDDING BREAKFASTS. They pair off with the
ushers, and are usually seated at a table by
themselves.
WEDDING RECEPTIONS. They stand beside the
married couple, and are introduced to the
guests.
BROTHER AT DEBUT. A brother, when his sister's
debut takes the form of a supper or dinner,
should take his sister (the debutante) into
dinner or supper.
BUTLER--TIPS. It is customary for a man leaving a
house-party where he has been a guest to
tip the butler who acted as a valet.
CABINET ( U. S,), MEMBER OF--HOW ADDRESSED. An
official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have,
sir, the honor to remain your most obedient
servant.
A social letter begins: My dear Mr. Wilson,
and ends: I have the honor to remain
most sincerely yours.
The address on the envelope is: Hon. John
J. Wilson, Secretary of State.
CAKE. is broken into pieces, the size of a mouthful,
and then eaten with fingers or fork.
CALLS. Unless close intimacy exists, calls should
only be made on the specified days.
ASKING MEN TO CALL ON WOMEN. A debutante
should leave this matter to her mother
or chaperone.
A young woman, until she has had some
experience in society, should be very careful
in inviting men to call.
She should not invite a man to call whom
she has met for the first time. No man
should be invited to call until she is assured
of his social standing and character.
In some parts of the country men first ask
permission to call, and in other parts women
first ask men to call.
ASKING WOMEN TO CALL ON WOMEN. It is
generally the custom for the married or elder
woman to ask the unmarried or younger
woman to call.
BACHELORS' DINNERS. See BACHELORS' DINNERS
--CALLS.
BREAKFAST. See BREAKFASTS--CALLS.
BEST MAN. See BEST MAN--CALLS
BRIDESMAIDS. See BRIDESMAIDS--CALLS.
CHAPERONES. See CHAPERONES--MEN CALLING.
BUSINESS. A business man may call in street
dress upon a woman before six o'clock.
Social visits may be made in the same
manner.
DAYS AT HOME. Calls should only be made on
the regular "At Home" days, and the
hostess should always be present on that day.
Very intimate friends may set aside this rule.
DEBUTANTE. See DEBUTANTE--CALLS.
DRESS. When making an afternoon call, a man
would wear afternoon dress, and evening
dress in making an evening call.
HIGH TEA. See HIGH TEA--CALLS.
HOURS. When no special day for receiving is
indicated, calls may be made at any proper
hour, according to the custom of the locality.
Men of leisure may call at the fashionable
hours from two till five in the afternoon, while
business and professional men may call between
eight and nine in the evening, as their
obligations prevent them from observing the
fashionable hours.
LENGTH. A formal call may last from fifteen to
thirty minutes. Old friends may stay longer.
LUNCHEONS. See LUNCHEON--CALLS.
MEN. AFTER ENTERTAINMENTS. After an entertainment
a man should call in person on
host and hostess, whether the invitation was
accepted or not. If a card is sent or mailed,
it should be accompanied with an apology.
To call on an acquaintance in an opera
box does not relieve one of the duty of making
a formal call in return for social favors.
When calling on the hostess but not on
the host, a man should leave a card for him.
If the hostess be out, he should leave two
cards.
Married men can return their social obligations
to women by personal calls, or the
women of the family can leave the men's
cards with their own.
A call should be made the day following a
luncheon or a breakfast; the same after a
dinner, or at least within a week. A call
should be made within a week after a ball.
After a theatre party given by a man, he
should call within three days on the woman
he escorted, or leave his card, and should
call within a week on the remainder of his
guests.
MEN CALLING ON MEN. At the beginning of
the season it is usual to leave a card for each
member of a family called on--one card for
husband, wife, "misses," and guest, or rest
of the family. Sometimes two cards answer
the purpose.
They may be sent by mail or messenger.
MEN CALLING ON WOMEN. A man should call
only on "At Home" days, especially when
making the first call, unless specially invited.
He should call at the hour appointed.
When no special day for receiving is indicated,
calls may be made at any proper hour,
according to the custom of the locality. Men
of leisure may call at the fashionable hours
--from two till five o'clock.
Business and professional men may call
between eight and nine o'clock, as their obligations
prevent them from observing the
fashionable hours.
A business man may call in street dress
before six o'clock, and the same dress in the
evening, if intimately acquainted.
Informal calls may be made on Sunday
after three o'clock by business and professional
men, provided there are no religious or
other scruples on the part of those receiving
the calls.
Evening or other than mere formal calls
should not be made, save by special invitation.
The first call should last not longer than
ten or fifteen minutes. It is correct to ask
for all the women of the family.
At the first call he should give his card at
the door. At following calls it is optional
whether to give a card or merely the name,
asking at the same time for the person one
desires to see. When the servant's intelligence
seems doubtful, or the name is an
unusual one, it is safer to give a card.
When a woman invites a man to call without
specifying when, it is not considered as
an invitation at all, but merely as a formal
courtesy.
It is bad form to solicit by innuendo or
otherwise an invitation to call from a woman.
It is her privilege to make the first move in
such matters; otherwise she would be placed
in an embarrassing position.
When an invitation specifies the hour,
every effort should be made to be punctual.
It is impolite to be too early or too late.
At a formal call, when others are present,
a man should not be seated unless invited to
do so. He should leave as others come in,
and not remain longer than ten or fifteen
minutes.
A man having a card or letter of introduction
to a young woman should present it in
person to the chaperone. If she is out, he
should mail it to her, and she should at once
notify him whether he may call.
If a caller is a stranger to the young
woman's hostess, he should send his card to
the latter and ask to see her.
The chaperone may, if desirable, give a
man permission to call upon the woman
under her charge.
A man should not call upon an unmarried
woman until invited by her to do so. He
may ask a married woman who has a family
for permission to call.
GLOVES. Gloves need not be removed at a formal
or brief call.
ENTERTAINMENTS. At entertainments a man
should give his card to the servant at the
door or leave it in the hall.
A few appropriate words of greeting should
be addressed to the hostess and host as soon
after entering as possible.
Personal introductions are not absolutely
required at musicales, teas, "At Homes," etc.
One may converse with those nearest, but
this does not warrant future recognition.
When light repasts are served, as teas, ices,
etc, a man should put his napkin on his
knee and hold the plate in his hand.
He should depart with as little ceremony
as possible--a bow and a smile, if host and
hostess are engaged, are sufficient. He
should not shake hands and try to speak unless
it can be done without becoming conspicuous.
MEN CALLING ON WOMEN--HAT. A man making
a formal or brief call should carry his
hat in his hand into the parlor.
SHAKING HANDS. A man should not offer to
shake hands first, as that is the privilege of
the women.
MEN--DRESS. In making ceremonious calls, men
wear afternoon dress, and after six o'clock
evening dress.
See also AFTERNOON DRESS--MEN. EVENING
DRESS--MEN.
PALL-BEARERS. See PALL-BEARERS--CALLS.
THEATRE. See THEATRE--CALLS.
USHERS. See USHERS--CALLS.
WEDDING INVITATIONS. Very intimate friends
can call personally. Friends of the groom
who have no acquaintance with the bride's
family should send their cards to those inviting
them.
Those who do not receive wedding invitations,
announcement, or "At Home" cards
should not call on the married couple, but
consider themselves as dropped from their
circle of acquaintance.
WOMEN RECEIVING AND INVITING MEN. The
invitation to call should be extended by the
woman, and if she does not specify the time,
will naturally be considered as an act of
courtesy, but not as an invitation.
These invitations should be given with great
care by young women. It is better to have
the invitation extended by her mother or
chaperone.
A married woman may ask a man to call,
especially if she have unmarried daughters.
An afternoon tea is an appropriate time to
specify. A man may ask a married woman
who has a family for permission to call.
At the beginning of a season, a man who
desires the further acquaintance of a woman
should leave his card in person for all the
members of the family.
A formal call, or the first call of the season,
should, mot last longer than ten or fifteen
minutes. It is proper for the man to inquire
for all the women of the family.
A man should call only on "At Home"
days, unless especially invited to come at
other times. The hostess should be home on
all "At Home" days, unless sickness or
other good cause prevents.
In the absence of "At Home" days, or
specified time, calls may be received at any
proper hour, according to the locality of the
place.
When men make a formal call at other than
specified time, the hostess may justly excuse
herself. The caller would have no ground
for offense.
Intimate friends need not hold to formal
hours for paying calls.
Men of leisure should call only at fashionable
hours--from two to five in the afternoon.
Evening calls should not be made by other
than business or professional men, unless the
acquaintance be an intimate one, or unless
they are specially invited.
Business and professional men may call between
eight and nine o'clock, as their obligations
prevent them from observing the fashionable
hours.
Informal calls may be made on Sunday
after three o'clock by business and professional
men, provided there are no religious or other
scruples on the part of those receiving the
calls.
A business man may call in street dress
before six o'clock in the evening, or thereafter
if intimacy warrants.
Evening, or other than mere formal calls,
should not be made, save by special invitation.
A man should leave his card when calling.
If his hostess is married, he should leave
one also for the host. If she is out, he
should leave two.
When calling upon a young woman whose
hostess is not known to the man, he should
send his card to her.
If the woman is seated when a man enters
the room, she rises to greet him, and, if
she wishes, shakes hands. It is her option
to shake hands or not, and she should make
the first advances. It is bad form for him
to do so.
During a formal call, when other guests
are present, a man should remain standing
and depart upon the entrance of others. If
the hostess is seated at the time, she need not
rise or shake hands, but merely bow.
The hostess should not accompany a caller
to the door of the parlor, but bow from her
chair.
Dropping in at a theatre or opera party
does not relieve a man from making formal
calls that may be due.
A woman's escort to a theatre party should
call upon her within a week. If she were
his guest, he should do so within three days,
or send his card, with an apology.
Business calls are privileged, and can be
made when convenient, although preferably
by appointment.
WOMEN RECEIVING--INTRODUCTIONS. At formal
calls conversation should be general among
the guests. Introductions are unnecessary.
AFTERNOON. See AFTERNOON CALLS.
COUNTRY. See COUNTRY CALLS.
EVENING. See EVENING CALLS.
FIRST. See FIRST CALLS.
INVALID'S. See INVALID'S CALLS.
SUNDAY. See SUNDAY CALLS.
CANCELING DINNERS. When it becomes necessary for
a hostess to cancel or postpone a dinner, she
should send as soon as possible, either by
special delivery or messenger, a letter to each
guest who has accepted the invitation. The
letter, written either in the first or third person,
should state the reason and express
regrets.
CANCELING WEDDINGS. See WEDDINGS-INVITATIONS RECALLED.
CANES. A cane is the correct thing for a man when
walking, except when engaged in business.
It should be held a few inches below the
knob, ferrule down, and should, like umbrellas,
be carried vertically.
CALLING. When making a formal or brief call the cane should be left in the hall.
CARDINAL-HOW ADDRESSED. A letter, official or
social, begins: Your Eminence, and ends: I
have the honor to remain your humble servant.
The address on the envelope is: His Eminence
Cardinal Wilson.
CARDS.
DEBUT. See DEBUT CARDS.
DEBUTANTS. See DEBUTANTE CARDS.
INFANT. See INFANT'S CARDS.
IN MEMORIAM. See IN MEMORIAM CARDS.
MOURNING. See MOURNING CARDS.
CARDS, VISITING.
ADDRESSING. See ADDRESSING CARDS (VISITING).
AFTERNOON TEAS. See CARDS (VISITING), LEAVING
IN PERSON--AFTERNOON TEAS. CARDS (VISITING),
MAIL OR MESSENGER-AFTERNOON TEAS.
AT HOME. See AT HOME-CARDS.
BIRTH (ANNOUNCEMENT). See CARDS (VISITING),
LEAVING IN PERSON--BIRTH.
CONDOLENCE. See CONDOLENCE--CARDS.
DAUGHTER. See DAUGHTERS--CARDS (VISITING).
GARDEN PARTIES. See GARDEN PARTIES--CARDS.
HUSBAND AND WIFE. When the wife is calling,
she can leave cards of the husband and
sons if it is impossible for them to do so
themselves.
After an entertainment, cards of the family
can be left for the host and hostess by either
the wife or any of the daughters.
See Also MR. AND MRS. CARD.
LEAVING IN PERSON. When cards with a message
of congratulation are left in person,
nothing should be written on it.
LEAVING IN PERSON--AFTERNOON TEAS.
Women leave cards of their male relatives
as well as their own, although their names
may be announced upon entering the drawing-room.
Guests leave their cards in a receptacle
provided, or give them to the servant
at the door.
MEN. A bachelor should not use AT HOME
cards as a woman does, nor to invite his
friends by writing a date and MUSIC AT FOUR
on his calling card in place of an invitation.
MEN--LEAVING IN PERSON. When returning
to town after a long absence, a man should
leave cards having his address.
When calling upon a young woman whose
hostess is not known by the man, he should
send his card to her.
At the beginning of a season, a man should
leave two cards for all those whose entertainments
he is in the habit of attending, or on
whom he pays social calls. These cards
may also be mailed. If left in person, there
should be one for each member of the family
called upon, or only two cards. In the
former there should be left one card for the
host, one for the hostess, one for the
"misses," and one for the rest of the family
and their guest.
Men of leisure should leave their own
cards, while business men can have them
left by the women of the family.
The corner of the card should not be
turned down.
Cards are now left in the hall by the servant
and the caller is announced. In business
calls the card is taken to the person for
whom the caller asked.
When calling, a man should leave a card
whether the hostess is at home or not.
P. P. C. card's may be left in person or
sent by mail upon departure from city, or
on leaving winter or summer resort.
When a man calls upon a young woman
whom a hostess is entertaining, he should
leave cards for both.
When a man calls upon another man, if he
is not at home, he should leave a card.
When a man calls on the hostess but not
the host he should leave a card for him.
If the hostess is out, he should leave two
cards--one for each.
BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS, DINNERS. A man
should leave a card the day after a breakfast,
luncheon, or dinner for the host and hostess,
whether the invitation was accepted or not.
They may also be sent by mail or messenger,
with an apology for so doing.
BALLS, SUBSCRIPTION. Shortly after receiving
an invitation to a subscription ball, a man
should leave a card for the patroness inviting
him.
DEBUTANTE. When calling upon a debutante a
man should leave cards for her mother,
whether the entertainment was attended or
not.
ENTERTAINMENT BY MEN. After a man's formal
entertainment for men, a man should leave a
card within one week, whether the event was
attended or not. It can be sent by mail or
messenger.
RECEPTION. When the host and hostess receive
together, a man should leave one card for
both, and if not present at the reception, he
should send two cards.
THEATRE. After a theatre party given by a
man, he should call within three days on the
woman he escorted or leave his card.
WEDDING RECEPTION. After a wedding reception
a man should leave a card for the host
and hostess, and another for the bridal
couple.
If a man has been invited to the church
but not to the wedding reception, he should
leave a card for the bride's parents and the
bridal couple, or should mail a card.
SENDING BY MAIL, OR MESSENGER. After an
entertainment a man should call in person on
host and hostess, whether the invitation was
accepted or not. If a card is mailed or sent,
it should be accompanied with an apology.
At the beginning of the season a man
should leave cards for all those whose entertainments
he is in the habit of attending, or
on whom he pays social calls. These cards
may also be mailed. If left in person, there
should be one for each member of the household
or only two cards.
In the former case, there should be left one
card for the host, one for the hostess, one for
the "misses," and one for the rest of the
family and the guest.
If a man is unable to make a formal call
upon a debutante and her mother at her
debut, he should send his card by mail or
messenger.
A man may mail his card to a woman
engaged to be married, if acquaintance
warrants.
Visitors to town should send cards to every
one whom they desire to see. The address
should be written on them.
AFTERNOON TEA. If a man is unable to be
present at an afternoon tea, he should send a
card the same afternoon.
BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS, DINNERS. A man
should leave a card the day after a breakfast,
luncheon, or dinner for the host and hostess,
whether the invitation was accepted or not.
They may be sent by mail or messenger with
an apology for so doing.
ENTERTAINMENT BY MEN. After a man's formal
entertainment for men, a man should leave a
card within one week, whether the event was
attended or not. It can be sent by mail or
messenger.
P. P. C. cards may be sent by mail or messenger
upon departure from city, or on leaving
winter or summer resort.
RECEPTION. When the host and hostess receive
together, a man should leave one card for
both, and, if not present at the reception, he
should send two cards.
WEDDING RECEPTION. If a man has been invited
to the church but not the wedding
reception, he should leave or mail a card to
the bride's parents, and also to the bridal
couple.
STYLE. The full name should be used, and if
too long, the initials only. The club address
is put in the lower left-hand corner, and if
not living at a club, the home address should
be in lower right-hand corner. In the absence
of a title, Mr. is always used on an
engraved but not a written card.
Cards should be engraved in plain letter,
according to prevailing fashion.
Facsimile cards engraved are no longer
used.
Written cards are in bad taste, but in case
of necessity they may be used. The name
should be written in full if not too long, and
should be the autograph of the sender.
Messages or writing should not appear on
men's cards. If address is changed, new
cards should be engraved. In an emergency
only the new address may be written.
MOURNING CARDS are the same size as visitingcards,
and a black border is used--the width
to be regulated by the relationship of the
deceased relative.
MEN--STYLE, TITLES. Men having titles use
them before their names--as, Reverend, Rev.,
Mr., Dr., Army and Navy titles, and officers
on retired list. L.L.D. and all professional
titles are placed after the name. Political
and judicial titles are always omitted.
Physicians may use Dr. before or M.D.
after the name. On cards intended for social
use, office hours and other professional
matter are ommitted.
MR. AND MRS. See MR. AND MRS. CARDS.
P. P. C. See P. P. C. CARDS.
SENDING BY MAIL OR MESSENGER. If after
accepting an invitation it is necessary to
decline, a card should be sent the evening of
the entertainment, with an explanatory note
the day following.
When an invitation has been received to
an "At Home" debut, and one has not been
able to attend, cards should be sent by mail
or messenger, to arrive at the time of the
ceremony.
A card should be mailed to a man engaged
to be married.
AFTERNOON TEAS. The invitations to a formal
afternoon tea are sent a week or ten days in
advance by mail or messenger. No reply is
necessary, but if unable to be present, a card
should be sent the day of the entertainment.
For an afternoon tea a visiting-card may
be used, with the hour for the "tea" written
or engraved over the date beneath the fixed
day of that week. They may be sent by mail
or messenger.
Persons unable to attend should send cards
the same afternoon.
BIRTH (ANNOUNCEMENT). If wishing to congratulate
after a birth, cards should be left in
person or sent by a messenger. Cut flowers
may be sent with the card.
CONDOLENCE. After a death in the family of
an acquaintance, a card with the word
Condolence written on it should be left in person or
by messenger. For very intimate acquaintances,
cut flowers may be left in person or
sent, together with a card or letter.
When unable to leave in person a card
with Condolence written on it, send it to intimate
friends only with a note of apology. If
out of town, it should be sent with a letter of
condolence.
TRAVELERS. A woman visiting a place for a
length of time should mail to her friends a
visiting-card which contains her temporary
address.
A man in similar situation should call upon
his friends, and if he does not find them at
home, should leave his card.
WEDDING INVITATIONS. Those present at the
ceremony should leave cards for those inviting
them, and if this is not possible, they can
be sent by mail or messenger.
Those invited but not present should send
cards.
WIDOW. See WIDOWS--CARDS.
WIFE. Only the wife of the oldest member of
the oldest branch may use her husband's
name without the initials.
WOMEN. Mrs. or Miss should always be used
before the names. The cards of single
women are smaller than those of married
women.
The husband's name should be used in
full, unless too long, when the initials are
used. Only the wife of the oldest member
of the oldest branch may use her husband's
name without initials.
Reception days should appear in the lower
left-hand corner, limiting dates--as, Until
Lent, or in January, may be either engraved
or written.
If a special function is allotted to any
reception days--as, the entertaining of special
guests--the hour of the reception day may be
written above the day and the date beneath it.
DAUGHTERS. See DAUGHTERS--CARDS.
LEAVING IN PERSON--BIRTH, ANNOUNCEMENT OF.
If wishing to send congratulations,
after receipt of a birth announcement card,
cards should be left in person or sent by a
messenger; cut flowers may be sent with the
card.
Before the wedding cards are issued, an
engaged woman should leave her card
personally upon her friends without entering the
house.
When calling at the beginning of the season
a woman should leave her own card,
those of the men of the family, and two of
her husband's.
After formal invitations, a woman should
leave her own card and those of the men of
the family who were invited, whether they
attended or not.
When calling formally a woman should
leave a card, whether the hostess is at home
or not.
When a woman calls upon a well-known
friend, it is not necessary to send up a card.
When making a call at a hotel or other
public place, the name of the person called
upon should be written in the upper left-
hand corner of the card--as:
For Mrs. Jane Wilson
The corner of the card should not be
turned down.
P. P. C. cards may be left in person or
sent by mail upon departure from city, or
on leaving winter or summer resort.
The corner of the card should not be
turned down.
RECEPTION. At receptions a woman should
leave the cards in the hall or hand them to
the servant.
At a "coming-out reception" a woman
should leave cards for the mother and
daughter.
A married man returns his social obligations
to women by personal calls, or his wife
can do it for him by leaving his card with
her own.
MOTHER AND DAUGHTER. After her debut the
younger of the two daughters has no card of
her own, as her full baptismal name appears
on her mother's card beneath her name. A
year after her first appearance she may have
a card of her own.
When a mother leaves her daughter's card,
it is for the hostess only.
If reception day appear on the mother's
card, the daughters also receive on that date,
as the daughters have no reception days of
their own.
MOTHER AND SON. When a mother is calling,
she can leave cards of her son for the host
and hostess if it is impossible for him to do so
himself.
A son entering society can have his cards
left by his mother upon a host and hostess.
Invitations to entertainments will follow.
RETURNING TO TOWN. Cards of the entire
family should be sent by mail to all
acquaintances when returning after a
prolonged absence.
When using cards, if out of town, the
place of a woman's permanent residence can
be written on the card--thus: New York.
Philadelphia.
SENDING BY MAIL OR MESSENGER. A woman
visiting a place for a length of time should
mail to her friends her visiting-card
containing her temporary address.
P. P. C. cards may be sent by mail or
messenger upon departure from city, or
on leaving winter or summer resort.
After a change of residence the cards of
the entire family should be sent out as soon
as possible.
At the beginning of the season both married
and single women should send their cards
to all their acquaintances.
Visitors to town should send cards to every
one whom they desire to see, with the address
written on the cards.
For afternoon tea a visiting-card may be
used. The hour for the tea is written or
engraved over, and the date beneath the fixed
day of the week. They may be sent by mail
or messenger.
The cards of a debutante may be sent by
mail or messenger.
Mourning cards should be sent to indicate
temporary retirement from society. Later
cards should be sent to indicate return to
society.
AFTERNOON TEA. If a woman is unable to be
present at an afternoon tea she should send
her card the same afternoon.
WEDDING RECEPTION. When invitations have
been received to the church but not to the
wedding reception, cards should be sent to
the bride's parents and to the bridal couple.
WOMEN--STYLE, TITLES. Women having titles
should use them before the name--as,
Reverend or Rev. Mrs. Smith. Physicians use Dr.
before or M.D. after the name. Office hours
and other professional matters are omitted on
cards for social use. Husband's titles should
never be used. The home address is put in
the lower right-hand and the club address in
the lower left-hand corner.
The card of the eldest daughter in society
is simply Miss Wilson.
CARDS OF ADMISSION TO CHURCH WEDDINGS. These
cards are used at all public weddings held in
churches, and when they are used no one
should be admitted to the church without
one. They are sent with the wedding invitations.
CARRIAGES.
BALLS. See BALLS-CARRIAGES.
DANCES. See DANCES-CARRIAGES.
FUNERALS. See FUNERALS-CARRIAGES.
MEN. In a general way a man should provide a
carriage when escorting a woman in evening
dress to any function. If she does not wear
evening dress, and they are going to an informal
affair, it would be proper to take a
street-car.
SUPPERS. See SUPPER AND THEATRE PARTIES--MEN--CARRIAGES.
THEATRES. See THEATRES AND OPERA PARTIES GIVEN BY MEN--CARRIAGES.
WOMEN. A woman accepting, with her mother's
or chaperone's consent, a man's invitation to
the theatre may, with propriety, request him
not to provide a carriage unless full dress on
her part is requested.
CATHOLIC PRIEST--HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter
begins: Reverend and Dear Sir, and ends: I
have the honor to remain your humble servant.
A social letter begins: Dear Father Wilson,
and ends: I beg to remain faithfully yours,
The address on the envelope is: The Reverend
John J. Wilson. But if he holds the
degree of D.D. (Doctor of Divinity), the
address is: Reverend John J. Wilson, D.D.,
or Reverend Dr. John J. Wilson.
CELERY is eaten with the fingers.
CHANGE OF RESIDENCE. WOMEN. After a change of
residence, the cards of the entire family
should be sent out as soon as possible.
CHAPERONE. A chaperone takes precedence of her
charge in entering drawing or dancing rooms
and on ceremonious occasions. At an entertainment
both enter together, and the chaperone
should introduce her protege to the
hostess and to others. The two should remain
together during the evening. In a
general way the chaperon takes under her
charge the social welfare of her protege.
BALLS. A mother should attend balls with her
daughters, going and returning with them,
and if she is not invited, it is in good taste
for the daughters to decline the invitation.
A father can act as escort, if need be, instead
of the mother. A mother can delegate her
powers to some one else when requested to
act as a chaperone.
MEN CALLING. A man should ask the chaperone's
permission to call upon her protege,
and once it is granted no further permission
is necessary. The chaperone should be present
while a debutante receives male callers
the first year, and when the first call is made
she should be present throughout the evening
and should decide as to the necessity
of her presence during subsequent visits.
CARDS. A chaperone introducing and accompanying
young women should leave her own
card with that of her protege.
DANCES. The chaperone should give her
permission to a man who desires to dance,
promenade, or go to supper with her charge,
who should not converse with him at length
save at the chaperon's side, and the chaperon
should accompany both to supper. If without
an escort, the young woman may accept
the invitation of her last partner before
supper is announced.
INTRODUCTIONS. A man should never be introduced
direct by card or letter to a young
unmarried woman. If he desires to be
introduced, the letter or card of introduction
should be addressed to her chaperone or
mother, who may then introduce him to the
young woman if she deems it advisable.
At an entertainment a chaperone may ask
a young man if he wishes to be introduced
to the one under her care.
LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION. A man having a
letter of introduction to a young woman
should present it in person to the chaperone.
If the latter is out when he calls, he should
mail it to her, and she may then notify him
when he may call, and should herself be
present.
SUPPER, TEA, DINNER. A young woman receiving an
invitation to a man's supper, tea,
or dinner may accept if she has the consent
of her mother or chaperone, and is assured
that a chaperone will be present.
THEATRES. A chaperone's permission should be
asked before a man's invitation to the theatre
can be accepted. The chaperone can also
accept, on behalf of her protege, invitations
from men to theatre parties or suppers,
if she too is invited.
The chaperone should be present at mixed
theatre parties--one for small, and two or
more for larger parties and suppers. The
chaperones may use their own carriage to
call for the guests, and then meet the men at
the places of entertainment. The chaperone
should say when the entertainment shall
close.
UNABLE TO BE PRESENT. When a chaperone
is unable to fulfill her duties, she may delegate
them to another, provided it is agreeable
to all concerned.
CHEESE is first cut into small bits, then placed on
pieces of bread or cracker, and lifted by the
fingers to the mouth.
CHINA WEDDING. This is the twentieth wedding anniversary,
and is not usually celebrated; but
if it is, the invitation may bear the words
NO PRESENTS RECEIVED, and congratulations may
be extended in accepting or declining the
invitation. An entertainment is usually
provided for. Any article of china is appropriate
as a gift.
CHOIR-BOYS AT WEDDINGS. These form a brilliant
addition to a church wedding, and when
employed they meet the bridal party in the
vestibule, and precede them to the altar,
singing a hymn or other appropriate selection.
CHRISTENING.
DRESS. The mother wears an elaborate reception
gown to the church, with white gloves and
a light hat or bonnet.
If the ceremony is at the house, she can
wear an elaborate tea-gown.
The guests wear afternoon or evening
dress, according whether the ceremony comes
before or after 6 P.M.
FLOWERS. A christening ceremony offers a good
opportunity for the guests who desire to
present flowers to the mother. This is not
obligatory, however, and must remain a
matter of personal taste.
GIFTS. A christening ceremony offers a good
opportunity for the invited guests, if they
desire, to send a present to the baby.
These should be sent a day or two before
the ceremony, and if of silver should be
marked with the child's name, initials, or
monogram.
GUESTS. The invitations should be promptly
answered.
At a church ceremony the guests, as they
are few in number, assemble in the front
pews.
At a large house christening the affair is
conducted somewhat like an afternoon reception.
Wine is drunk to the child's health,
and the guests take leave of the hostess.
INVITATIONS are issued by the wife only to intimate
friends, and should be promptly answered.
If the christening is made a formal entertainment,
to take place in the drawing-room,
the invitations may be engraved.
MEN. If the ceremony is in the afternoon they
wear afternoon dress, but at an evening
affair evening dress.
At an afternoon ceremony in the summer
it is allowable for the men to wear straw
hats and light flannel suits.
At a large house christening the affair
should be conducted somewhat like a reception,
and men on departing should take leave
of the hostess.
WOMEN dress as they would for an afternoon reception
if the ceremony comes in the afternoon, and if it comes
after breakfast or luncheon, as they would for a breakfast
or luncheon.
At a large house christening the affair
should be conducted like a reception, and
women should take leave of the hostess on
their departure.
CHURCH. A man usually follows the woman, who
leads to the pew, and he enters after her,
closing the door as he does so.
He should find the places in the service
book for her.
This same courtesy he should extend to a
woman who is a stranger to him.
CLERGYMAN.
CHRISTENING FEES. It is customary to send a
fee to the officiating clergyman, unless he is
a relative or a near friend.
EVENING DRESS. Custom permits a clergyman
to wear his clerical dress at all functions at
which other men wear evening dress; or,
if he wishes, he may also wear the regulation
full dress. The wearing of either is a matter
of taste.
HOW ADDRESSED. All mail and correspondence
should be addressed to Rev. Mr. Smith, but
in conversation a clergyman should be addressed
as Mr. Smith. If he has received the degree of D.D.
(Doctor of Divinity)from some educational institution,
then he is addressed as Dr. Smith, and his mail should
be addressed as Rev. Dr. Smith.
WEDDING CEREMONY. The officiating clergyman (minister or priest)
is selected by the bride, who usually chooses
her family minister, and the latter is then called
upon by the groom with regard to the details. If a
very intimate friend or relative of the groom is a
clergyman, it is in good taste for the bride to ask
him either to officiate or to assist.
If from any cause--as, living outside the State--the
clergyman is unable to legally perform the ceremony,
a magistrate should be present to legalize the ceremony,
and should receive a fee.
CARRIAGE. A carriage should be provided by
the groom to take the clergyman to the
church, then to the reception, and thence to
his house.
FEE. A fee should be paid the clergyman by
the groom through the best man, who should
hand it to him immediately after the ceremony.
If two or three clergymen are present
and assist, the fee of the officiating clergyman
is double that of the others. The clergyman
should receive at least five dollars in gold,
clean bills, or check, in a sealed envelope,
or more, in proportion to the groom's financial
condition and social position.
WEDDING RECEPTION. The clergyman should
always be invited to the reception.
CLUB.
ADDRESS. If residing at a club, a man's visitingcard
should have his club's name in the lower
right-hand corner; if not, the name should
be put in lower left-hand corner.
STATIONERY. This is always in good form for
social correspondence by men.
COACHING. See DRIVING.
COACHMAN-TIPS. It is customary when a guest
leaves a house party after a visit to give the
coachman a tip.
COLLEGE DEGREES. Custom, good taste, and the fitness
of things forbid a college man having engraved,
on his visiting-card, his college degrees--as,
A.B., A.M., etc.
COMMERCE, Secretary of--How Addressed. An official
letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have, sir,
the honor to remain your most obedient servant.
A social letter begins: My dear Mr, Wilson,
and ends: I have the honor to remain most sincerely
yours.
The address on the envelope is: Hon. John
J. Wilson, Secretary of Commerce.
COMMITTEES-PUBLIC BALLS. Public balls are conducted
like private ones, and the etiquette is the
same for the guests. The difference in their
management is that, in place of a hostess, her
functions and duties are filled by committees
selected by the organization giving the ball.
CONCLUSION OF A LETTER. The standard conclusions of
letters are: I remain sincerely yours, or; Believe
me faithfully yours.
For business correspondence the standard
conclusions are: Yours truly, or; Very truly yours.
For relatives and dear friends the standard
forms are: Affectionately yours, or; Devotedly yours.
One should avoid signing a letter with only initials,
Christian name, surnames, or diminutives.
MEN. In writing formally on business to a
woman he knows slightly, a man could say:
I am respectfully yours. When not on business
he could write: I beg to remain yours to command.
He should avoid a signature like: J. Jones
Wilson, but write: James J. Wilson
WOMEN. In social correspondence a married woman should
sign: Minnie Wilson, and not: Mrs. John Wilson.
If she wants to make known in a business letter
the fact of her being married, and may not know
if the person addressed knows the fact, she may write:
Minnie Wilson
(Mrs. John Wilson)
An unmarried woman would sign her name as:
Minnie Wilson, and if wishing not to be taken
for a widow would sign: Miss Minnie Wilson.
CONDOLENCE.
CALLS. When death occurs in the family of a friend,
one should call in person and make kindly
inquiries for the family and leave a card,
but should not ask to see those in trouble
unless a very near and dear acquaintanceship warrants.
For a very intimate acquaintance, cut flowers
may be left in person or sent, together
with a card, unless the request has been made
to send none.
CARDS. A visiting-card is used with the word
CONDOLENCE written on it, and should be left
in person if possible, but may be sent or
mailed to intimate friends only if accompanied
by a note of apology. If out of town, it
should be sent by mail with letter of condolence.
A MR. and MRS. card may be used at any
time for condolence, except for intimate
friends.
LETTERS. Only the most intimate and dear
friends should send letters of condolence, and
they may send flowers with the note unless
the request has been made to send none.
CONGRATULATIONS.
BIRTH, ANNOUNCEMENT OF. If wishing to
send congratulations after a birth, cards
should be left in person or sent by messenger.
Cut flowers may be sent with the card.
CARDS. A MR. and MRS. card can be used at any
time for congratulations. If left in person,
which is preferable, the card should be accompanied
by a kindly message, and, if sent
by mail or messenger' the word CONGRATULATIONS
should be written on it. Business and professional
men are not required to make personal calls, and
so may send their cards. A Mr. and Mrs. card can
be used for all but near friends.
When a card is left in person, with a message
of congratulations, nothing should be
written thereon.
A man may mail his card to a woman engaged
to be married, if acquaintance warrants
the action.
Congratulations upon the birth of a child
may be expressed by a man to its father by
sending a card with the word Congratulations
written on it, or by leaving it in
person.
A card should be mailed to a man engaged
to be married.
WEDDINGS. Congratulations may be sent with
letter of acceptance or declination to a wedding
to those sending the invitations. And
if acquaintance with bride and groom warrant,
a note of congratulations may be sent to
them also.
Guests in personal conversation with the
latter give best wishes to the bride and
congratulations to the groom.
WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. In accepting or
declining invitations to wedding anniversaries,
congratulations may be extended.
CONVERSATION AT DINNERS. Aim at bright and general
conversation, avoiding all personalities and
any subject that all cannot join in. This
is largely determined by the character of the
company. The guests should accommodate
themselves to their surroundings.
COOKS-TIPS. It is customary for men who have
been guests at a house party when they
leave to remember the cook by sending her
a tip.
CORN ON THE COB is eaten with the fingers of one hand.
A good plan is to cut off the kernels and eat
them with the aid of a fork.
CORNER OF CARD TURNED DOWN. This is no longer
done by persons when calling and leaving
cards.
CORRESPONDENCE. How to address official and social
letters. See under title of person addressed
--as, ARCHBISHOP, etc.
COSTUME BALLS.--INVITATIONS. Invitations are similar
to invitations to balls, except that they have
in place of DANCING in the lower left-hand
corner. COSTUME OF THE XVIIIth CENTURY, BAL
MASQUE, OR BAL POUDRE.
COTILLIONS. Germans are less formal than balls.
Supper precedes the dancing. Those who
do not dance or enjoy it can leave before
that time.
The etiquette is the same as for balls.
DRESS. The regulation evening dress is worn.
HOSTESS. The rules governing a hostess when
giving a ball are the same for a cotillion,
with this addition--that there should be an
even number of men and women, and, failing
this, more men than women.
It is for the hostess to choose the leader
of the cotillion, and to him are entrusted all
its details.
At the conclusion of the cotillion the hostess
stands at the door with the leader at
her side, to receive the greetings and the compliments
of the guests.
See also BALLS--HOSTESS.
INVITATIONS. The invitations are engraved, and the
hour for beginning is placed in the lower
left-hand corner, and are sent out two weeks
in advance. They may be sent in one envelope.
Such invitations should be promptly accepted
or declined.
COTILIONS BY SUBSCRIPTIONS. These are given by leading
society women, who subscribe to a fund
sufficient to pay all expenses of the
entertainment. They are usually held in some
fashionable resort where suitable
accommodations can be had.
Guests are shown to the cloak-room, where
attendants check their wraps.
After the supper, the German, or cotillion,
begins. Those not dancing in this generally
retire. When leaving, guests should take
leave especially of the patroness inviting
them.
DRESS. Full dress is worn by all.
INVITATIONS. The patronesses whose names appear
on the back of the cards are the subscribers.
They send out the invitations to
their friends. A presentation card, to be
shown at the door, is sent with the invitation.
MEN. Men wear evening dress.
The men wait upon their partners and
themselves at the table, the waiters assisting,
unless small tables are used, when the
patronesses sit by themselves, and others form
groups as they like. The guests are served
by the waiters, as at a dinner.
When retiring, guests should take leave
especially of the patroness inviting them.
PATRONESSES. The patronesses stand in line to
receive the guests, bowing or shaking hands
as they prefer.
When supper is announced, the leading
patroness leads the way with her escort, the
others following. If small tables are used,
the patronesses sit by themselves.
WOMEN. Women wear full dress.
When guests depart, they should take
leave especially of the patroness inviting
them.
COUNTESS--HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins:
Madam, and ends: I have the honor to
remain your Ladyship's most obedient servant.
The address on the envelope is: To the
Right Honorable The Countess of Kent.
A social letter begins: Dear Lady Kent,
and ends: Believe me, dear Lady Kent,
sincerely yours.
The address is: To the Countess of Kent.
COUNTRY CALLS. The usual rule in calling is for the
residents to call first upon the temporary
cottage people, and between these latter the
early comers call first upon those coming
later.
In the city there is no necessity for
neighbors to call upon each other.
CRACKERS should be broken into small pieces and
eaten with the fingers.
CRESTS. If men and women wish, these may be
stamped in the latest fashionable colors on
their stationery. It is not customary to use
a crest and a stamped address on the same
paper.
The present fashion in crests is that they
should be of small size.
It is not usual to stamp the crest on the
flap of the envelope.
If sealing-wax is used, some dull color
should be chosen.
A person should avoid all individual
eccentricities and oddities in stamping, such
as facsimile autographs, etc.
CRYSTAL WEDDINGS. This anniversary comes after
fifteen years of married life, and the
invitations may bear the words: No presents
received, and on their acceptance or declination,
congratulations may be extended. An
entertainment should be provided for. Any
article of crystal or glass is appropriate as a
gift.
DANCES.
CARRIAGES. A man should secure his carriage-check
when leaving his carriage. It is safer
to take wraps and coats to the house in case
of accidents.
When taking a woman wearing evening
dress to a ball or dance, a man should pro-
vide a carriage.
DEBUTANTE. See DANCES--WOMEN--DEBUTANTE.
DRESS. Evening dress is worn by men and
women.
DINNER INVITATIONS. The hostess issues two
sets of invitations--one for those invited to
both dinner and dance, and one for those
invited to the dance only.
For the former, the hostess should use her
usual engraved dinner cards, with the written
words: Dancing at eleven, and for the latter
her usual engraved At Home cards, with the
written words: Dancing at eleven.
A less formal way is to use, instead of
the At Home card, a Mr. and Mrs. card,
or Mrs. And Miss card, with the following
written in the lower left-hand corner:
Dancing at ten. March the second. R. S. V. P.
INVITATIONS. These should be acknowledged
by an acceptance, or declined, with a note of
regret within one week.
MEN. ASKING A WOMAN TO DANCE. A man
asks for the privilege of a dance, either with
the daughter of the hostess or with any guest
of the latter or any young woman receiving
with her.
On being introduced to a woman, he may
ask her for a dance, and he should be prompt
in keeping his appointment.
It is her privilege to end the dance, and,
when it is ended, he should conduct her to
her chaperone, or, failing that, he should find
her a seat--after which he is at perfect liberty
to go elsewhere.
If for any cause a man has to break his
engagements to dance, he should personally
explain the matter to every woman with
whom he has an engagement and make a
suitable apology.
DEBUTANTE. At a debutante's reception the
first partner is selected by the mother, usually
the nearest and dearest friend, who
dances but once, and the others follow.
INVITATIONS. Invitations to balls or assemblies
should be answered immediately; if declined,
the ticket should be returned. A man should
call or leave cards a few days before the
affair.
SUPPER. At balls and assemblies where small
tables are provided, a man should not sit
alone with his partner, but make up a party
in advance, and keep together.
If a patroness asks a man to sit at her
table, she should provide a partner for him.
At supper the senior patroness leads the
way, escorted by the man honored for the
occasion.
If one large table is provided, the men,
assisted by the waiters, serve the women.
When small tables are used the patronesses
generally sit by themselves, and the
guests group themselves to their own satisfaction.
TRONESSES. Their duties are varied and
responsible--among them, the subscription to
the expenses of the entertainments.
The patronesses should be divided into
various committees to attend to special duties
--as, music, caterers, supper arrangements,
the ball-room, and all other details.
While affairs of this kind could be left in
the hands of those employed to carry out the
details, it is better and safer for each committee
to follow the various matters out to the
smallest details.
Those devising new features and surprises
for such an occasion will give the most successful ball.
The one most active and having the best
business ability should take the lead.
Lists should be compared, in order to avoid
duplicate invitations.
The tickets should be divided among the
patronesses, who, in turn, distribute them
among their friends.
The patronesses should be at the ball-room
in ample time before the arrival of the guests,
to see that all is in readiness.
They should stand together beside the entrance
to welcome the guests. They should
see, as far as possible, that the proper introductions
are made, and that every one is enjoying
the evening, their own pleasure coming last.
If time permits, a hasty introduction to
the patroness beside her may be made by a
patroness, but it should not be done if there
is the slightest possibility of blocking up the
entrance.
A nod of recognition here and there, or a
shake of the hands with some particular
friend, is all that is necessary. Prolonged
conversation should be avoided.
A patroness should not worry over the
affair, or leave anything to be done at the last
minute. If she has to worry, she should
not show it, lest she interfere with the pleasure
of others.
They should be the last to leave as well as
the first to arrive, to see that the affair closes
brilliantly.
SUPPER. The senior patroness leads the way
to supper, escorted by the man honored for
the occasion.
If one large table is provided, the men,
assisted by the waiters, serve the women.
When small tables are used, the patronesses
generally sit by themselves, and the guests
group themselves to their own satisfaction.
If a patroness asks a man to sit at her
table, she should provide a partner for him,
and in case of a previous engagement, he
should notify her by mail.
WOMEN. A woman should always keep any engagement made,
if possible. If, for a good
reason, it is desired to break one, she should
do so in ample time to enable the man to
secure a partner.
It is bad form to refuse one partner for a
dance and to accept another for the same
dance afterward. After refusing to dance, a
woman should lose that dance unless previously engaged.
A woman may refuse to dance at a public
entertainment.
A young woman chaperoned should not accept a man's invitation,
unless he first asks
permission of her chaperone.
It is not good taste to keep late hours at an
informal dance.
In round dances the man supports the
woman with his right arm around the waist,
taking care not to hold her too closely. Her
right hand is extended, held by his left hand,
and her left hand is on his arm or shoulder,
her head erect.
When tired, the woman should indicate a
desire to stop dancing.
When the dancing ends, the woman takes
her partner's arm and strolls about a few minutes.
He then conducts her to her seat by
her chaperone, and, after a few remarks, excuses himself.
When supper is announced, and the young
woman and her chaperone are in conversation
with the man who danced with her last, they
should accept his offer as escort if they are
not already provided with one.
If a woman is without escort when supper
is announced, she must rely upon attendants
or members of the host's family.
At balls and assemblies where small tables
are provided for the supper, the woman should
not sit alone at a table with her partner, but
she should have others present also.
DEBUTANTE. At a debutante's reception the
first partner is selected by the mother, usually
the nearest and dearest friend, who dances
but once with her, and the others follow.
DANCES (FORMAL).
HOST. When supper is announced, the host
leads the way with his partner, followed by
hostess and escort, the rest following.
HOSTESS. She should limit the number of guests
to the capacity of the house.
Invitations should include more men than
women, for some men may not attend, and
of those who do come, some may not
dance.
An awning and carpet should be spread
from